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Trapt: Trapt
10/11/09 || InquisitorGeneralis
Why oh Satan why is the Inquisitor covering a piece of radio hard-rock canine anal vomit like Trapt? Wrote a song about it, like to hear it? Here it goes…
I walked into the bathroom, to shower up my ass
Clicked on the radio by the tub, expectin’ to hear some Carcass
See my manscaped ape of roomie and me, keep cd’s in the Loo
Soo we can listen to serious metal, while we shave and poo
Lately it’s been Maiden and Carcass in the cd player
But something’s different this time, something’s a lot gayer
I hear weak power chords, and pussy vocal singing
Shit that sucks to fucken hard, my ears and balls are ringing
My roomie claims to be metal, but he’s wearing a fake hat
He put Trapt in the stereo, now I’m going to rape his mangy, fat, stinky cat!!!
Everything about that song is fucken trve, even the shit about his cat. Since I can not really mutilate my roomies cat (not yet at least, I still need his rent check) I will instead mutilate his band here on Teh Domination.
In the early 2000s when people thought Limp Bizkit and Korn were
serious shit I guess Trapt passed for hard rock. Christ, nowadays
horrific, gay-as-nuts bands like Devil Wears Prade shit all over this
stuff…and that is really saying something. Can you believe a million
fucken people bought this album? Musical homosexuality was spreading
like the plague seven years ago I guess, and Trapt were one of the
infected bodies the ass-raping, stylish Mongol invaders plopped into the
water
supply.
Is this review biased, angry, and slightly homophobic? Yes, just like its author. “Give a dude head(strong)” is the album opener, first single, most successful song, and best track to get that guy in the gym to help you get real low with your “pop squats”. While there is some decency to the main riff the vocals and godawful lyrics drive this song, and ever other track on “Crapt”, right into the side of the mountain.
Seriously, I tried to listen to “Trapt” all the way through and give it a square deal before I bashed the living shit out of it. Well, I couldn’t. I stopped at “These walls” and due to the painful throbbing in the hollow, smoky space between my ears I was unable to listen to anymore of this shit. I am not going to be a typical metalhead douchebag and say all popular rock and music in general sucks. Most of it does…hard, but not all. If you do not have an idea of where I feel “Trapt” falls on that spectrum then either I am a terribad reviewer (maybe) or you are an inbred retard (absolutely) who can’t see the Carpathian Forest for its dead, black trees.
The production is good but when you have soulless, corporate suits pushing your brand of bland, derivative jock-rock through the meat-grinder out to the ignorant masses it’s easy to pay for quality sound. Quality songs though…no dice. What the fuck does the cover mean? I’m trapped mowing my lawn? My bitch of a wife won’t fuck me until my chores are done? Crabgrass and guts make me nuts? Hey Trapt, here is the best cover ever! Get out your Crayolas and take some notes.
Wild Man Steve knows what the fuck is up! No lawnmowers on his covers. Just hoes and sweets! Ah, just another black dude who is cooler than me…
Dissing Trapt is like beating a dead, bloated, maggot covered horse with my moderately sized but hyperactive cock. Still, I felt it needed to be done. So, if you enjoy absolute and utter drivel with whiny lyrics and mediocre, pop-power chords than ‘Trapt” is tailormade for you. If you like metal, or vaginas for that matter, “Trapt” is not for you…and you and I could be friends.
For redefining the meaning of“shitty nu-metal”, Trapt’s “Trapt” gets a big ole’:
- Information
- Released: 2002
- Label: Warner Bros
- Website: www.trapt.com
- Band
- Loser #1: vocals
- Loser #2: guitars
- Loser #3: bass
- Loser #4: drums
- Tracklist
- 01. Headstrong (is the way I give it)
- 02. Made of Glass (my ass dildo is made of glass)
- 03. Hollowman (is who I want to get in to)
- 04. These Walls (are covered with pictures of dicks)
- 05. Still Frame (around a nude dude photo)
- 06. Echo (this band sucks… sucks… sucks…)
- 07. The Game (is to find my anal beads)
- 08. When All Is Said and Done (I’m tired and my ass is sore)
- 09. Enigma (To give or receive…what an ENIGMA!!!)
- 10. Stories (of manlove in the woods)
- 11. New Beginning (old asspounding)
