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Shakra: Infected

03/06/10 || InquisitorGeneralis

Hey there sports fans, let’s play a guessing game! I will give you three clues to help guess the answer. There will be two rounds. Here we go!

ROUND ONE… FIGHT!

Ok, I’m thinking of person who has…

-A penis that is often mistaken for a male silverback gorilla
-Received a femmoneyshot
-Been a faithful (except for when he quit) member of the Global D staff for almost a year and half?

…you guessed it, it’s me, the Inquisitor! That question was very Special Olympics – hope you feel better about yourself. Now on to the bonus round!

ROUND TWO… FIGHT!

Ok, I’m thinking of a place that has…

-stayed out of two world wars that raged on it’s front step and back porch
-served as a safe haven for illegally, often brutally, obtained money from drug dealers and dictators alike
-given the world a tasty cheese that looks like JFK’s head after his trip to Dallas.

…DING DING DING that’s right, it’s Switzerland! Home to Coroner, in my humble opinion the most underrated band in the history of metal. Unfortunately though, the Swiss have also produced lame-o zame-o hard rockers Shakra, whose sixth full-length album “Infected” made its way across my desk a few months ago. In a word, “Infected” is awful. I truly can not believe that someone allowed them to make five previous albums of hard/glam rock garbage before this. Even more shocking? They made another record after this piece of shit. I would liken Infected’s sound to Turbonegro, Buckcherry, and anything put out recently by a washed up hair band like Dokken, Warrant, or Winger. Look at these fruits…

Looking sharp, looking for love...

A picture says a thousand words. In this case, its “we suck” repeated five hundred times.

Honestly, this could really fool you into thinking the whole thing is a joke/parody. The ballad “Love will find a way” should be declared a human rights violation. Why anyone digs this stuff is beyond my comprehension. Radio-friendly hard rock was perfected long ago by AC/DC, Van Halen, and Mötley Crüe. I have no serious brolove for most of the 80s hair bands but I can appreciate the first few that established the scene and the sound. Twenty years later though I’m not having it. “Infected” needs to be injected with AIDS. Sorry, but faux hard-edged rock by a bunch of Swiss pretty boys doesn’t do it for me. Actually, it makes my balls shrivel up and run screaming back into my body. Christ, this review was written like two months ago and I’m probably still looking for them. The songs on “Infected” are extremely unoriginal and formulaic. You can see my take on their titles below.

I’d rather listen to Chaka Khan than Shakra, and that is really fucken saying something. Don’t buy “Infected” or anything else by Shakra unless it will definitely score you a big slice of warm poonanie pie. Newsflash though… it won’t.

Information
Released: 2007
Label: AFM
Website: Shakra MySpace
Band
Mark Fox: vocals
Thomas Muster: guitar
Thom Blunier: guitar
Dominik Pfister: bass
Roger Tanner: drums

Tracklist
01. Make Your Day (interesting by kissing a dude)
02. Inferno (in my anus)
03. The One (for me is definitely a dude)
04. Playing With Fire (is not half as fun as playing with a dick)
05. Dance With Madness (or a man, but not with a chick)
06. Love Will Find A Way (into your ass)
07. Vertigo (resulting from too much man-love)
08. The Conquest (of that guy from the gym)
09. Higher Love (can only be achieved by two men)
10. Cardiophobia (can result from too much bromance)
11. Look At Me (I’m naked)
12. The Other Side (is the team I play for)
13. Acherons Way (is to be gay)

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