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Korn: Untouchables

22/07/02 || Lord K Philipson

I’m the first to admit that I was completely blown away by these fuckers the first time I heard them. And that was pretty late as well, the first song I experienced was “Got The Life” from “Follow The Leader”. Naturally I bought the album right away. Yeah, I didn’t have a computer at the time so I couldn’t download the fucker first and see if it would be worth the money.

Anyways, it was.

That was some years ago now and in the meantime I’ve caught up with all of their releases, though I still just have the just mentioned album as a “real” CD. Say what? Downloading hurts the industry? Artists don’t get royalties? Well, it doesn’t hurt my wallet, so fuck you.

I know my Korn. I love Korn, they are my favorite band in the whole world. Actually, they are not. But for some reason I will always like them in some way I guess. The problem with Korn, though, is that (and this I’ve thought all the time since I got the “Follow” album) there’s always too many songs, which results in the “fillers” dilemma. When Korn are at their fucken best, they are really fucken good. And I mean that as in “Jenna Jameson-sucking-coyote” good.

And that is fucken good.

So what’s new this time then, except for a lot of talk about a “revelation in producing and recording” on this album? It’s stated that this album cost more than $666 to record per minute or something and the sound would be something beyond the ordinary when it comes to albums. I have 2 well chosen words to use for a comment on that: FUCK, and, YOU.

That is a bullshit-statement, because there’s nothing revolutionary about this sound. And no, it has nothing to do with the album being downloaded as it’s quality files, you wise-ass. I have listened to this album many times now (around one) and what comes to mind first is that the famous Korn bass-sound is not as present on this one, I’m sad to say. That’s one of the things I always loved about them, their very unique bass-sound. So a first “fuck you Korn” for ruining that for me. What comes to mind next is that I can’t get over the fact that Detroit killed my Av’s in game 7. Fuck you Detroit, and all you Detroit-ans. I’ll never play your fucken piss-ant city when I become a rock star.

Then we have the songs. Like they matter in a review …

I can start by saying that everything on this album sounds like slower, softer, melodic parts of the Korn we know. And some love. I for one always preferred the more heavy parts of them, but what I prefer means jack-shit, actually. “Songs?”, you say? I say, “Ok Josie, show me the way and make Legion more gay”.

We have “Here To Stay”, which is the frequently played video. Soil apparently heard this track a few times too many while writing the chorus for “Halo” as it’s a ripoff. It might be the other way around. Or more like it, it might not. Because I just said it’s not. You guys don’t fucken ever learn, do you? I think it’s a decent track, actually one of the better ones, or less boring is a more accurate statement really. “Make Believe” is as inspiring as a picnic with a christian monkey. “Blame” is running up as number 3. It has its moments, though they are as rare as the chances of staff-member Farlus actually getting laid. With a chick. “Hollow Life” holds an ok chorus, if you are deaf. The rest can suck my mouse-biting coyote. Or at least pretty much of it, this track is actually ok, I just don’t feel like stating that.

If it’s Jonathan doing all the vocals in this track, finally the ass-penetrating by his father/pet/washing machine, or whatever, did the trick. He sounds like a chick at times. With that in mind, “Bottled Up Inside” makes for a fucken funny title, hahaha … I so rule, I am so witty. This track is not. Sure, it sounds like anything Korn did on “Issues”. That’s that. And that is not my fave Korn album you know. Or, you do now. “Thoughtless” is the same crap. Mellow, quite boring and Right Said Fred. Now my fave track on this album comes up. That’s “Hating”, of course. It’s titled something with “hate” and you know what I told you about that in the Hatesphere review, located somewhere at this very site. This is for sure the album’s best track and it holds a riff in the bridge/chorus that is so much Korn it’s silly. These riffs I love. Korn are world champions at this.

“One More Time” is utter shite. This will probably be the next video. Fuck you Korn, again. “Alone I Break”, whatever … Some cool shit, some not so cool. Pretty much the same problem with the whole album, but let’s not jump the gun just yet. “Beat It Upright” then… Well, it sounds like anything else in here, but this time it’s not even a good chorus, which usually is the strong part of Korn.

“Beat it upright”? Yes please. “Wake Up Hate” is another one I’d like to shove down their throats. Fucken Nine Inch Nails-influenced bullshit. “I’m Hiding” ... Well, after “Wake Up Hate” I am the fucken one hiding. Not one of the crappiest tracks though nothing I’ll use as a proposal gift for a girl. It’s decent, nothing more.

Finally the last fucken track: “No One’s There”. Well howdy-fuckin’-ho, that’s not too weird as we have had to listen to this bullshit. This track I like though. It’s all moody, goody shit. A good ending to this crap.

I get Faith No More vibes from Korn at times, I guess that’s good for something. To sum this bullshit up, I think Korn has kinda lost their touch a bit, and it gets obvious with this album. “Issues” was so-so, this one is so-so-so …

Numbers are fun, so I should start to review on a scale from 1-666 one day. But not now. They’ll have to stick with the usual 1-10 shite.

Tops a 5 out of 10, I still try to believe I really like Korn. But if they continue like this not even I will fall for that.

5/10. Korn’s better than this. Or maybe they aren’t.

Information
Released: 2002
Label: Epic Records
Website: www.korn.com
Band
Jonathan Davis: vocals, bagpipes, analsex
Fieldy: bass
David Silveria: drums
James Shaffer: guitars
Brian Welch: jesus

Tracklist
01. Here To Stay
02. Make Believe
03. Blame
04. Hollow Life
05. Bottled Up Inside
06. Thoughtless
07. Hating
08. One More Time
09. Alone I Break
10. Embrace
11. Beat It Upright
12. Wake Up Hate
13. I’m Hiding
14. No One’s There

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