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Flood: Native
20/08/09 || Trauma
Washington, D.C. Metropolitan area
The Year 2012 5:14 A.M. EST (GMT-5:00)
Whap, whap, whack, boom, crash.
I awoke to some noise outside my window. Still quite groggy from the awesome orgy me and my supermodel girlfriend had earlier that morning I stood up, stretched, and scratched my unshaven yet very toned chest and testicles. I noticed a change in the tension of the skin around my ballsack so I checked for any inconsistencies only to find a dildo lodged firmly in my anus.
After finally removing the foreign object I walked over to the window and opened the blinds to see a giant bus filled with Indian (not “Native”) immigrants flying right to my window. Remembering all of my training during my tenure in the Secret Service, Special Ops, Desert Storm, and Vietnam I quickly jump-kicked through the drywall and grabbed my supermodel girlfriend at the same time just barely escaping death, which appeared to be yearning for me.
CRASH, EXPLOSION.
After all the bloodcurdling screams ended I went to make sure it was safe for us to come out and I discover one survivor. He had a British accent and was quite anxious.
“You must help me quick! Today is the day of reckoning! Because as the Bible says the world ends in 2012, and the catalyst is the Earth reaching “Aphelion” in conjunction with global warming creating the great Flood to wash all your sins”.
I took his word for it since the Hindu was a man of Buddha and sounded like he knew the teachings of Jesus to a fucken T. “What must I do?” I ask the man.
“We must find and activate the monolith “Dam” built by the ancient Jews”.
I asked the man where we could find this dam.
“Atlantis”.
I had no idea where that was, but we hopped into my all-terrain four wheel drive pickup and headed to the coast. For all the horsepower I had I could see the Flood approaching ever so slowly, yet so fast at the same time. I think it was because objects in the mirrors are closer than they appear.
“We must swim”, said the curry flavored candy-bean.
I ripped off my clothing in slow motion with my supermodel girlfriend into my Speedos and her bikini, and I picked up the Punjabi from Hydrobad and we swam as fast as we could in the “Water”.
Then I woke up and realized the music stopped.
This is pure stoner drone. Which I find quite boring, and done better by the likes of The Melvins even. Don’t bother correcting me on the comparison because I don’t care. Score:
- Information
- Released: 2009
- Label: Meteorcity
- Website: Flood MySpace
- Band
- Me: hero
- Imaginary girlfriend: supermodel girlfriend
- M. Night Shyamalan: Indian man
- Amir: guitar
- Eli: bass
- Fink: drums
- Tracklist
- 01. Aphelion
- 02. Dam
- 03. Atlantis
- 04. Water
