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C-187: Collision
15/08/07 || Lord K Philipson
“C-187, the new band featuring former PESTILENCE mainman Patrick Mameli (guitar) alongside Tony Choy (bass; ATHEIST; ex-CYNIC), Sean Reinert (drums; CYNIC, ex-DEATH) and Tony Jelencovich (vocals; M.A.N, ex-TRANSPORT LEAGUE, MNEMIC) have completed the album “Collision”.”
That paragraph is taken from their label’s site. Just look at those names right there, that’s some highly respectable musicians, bitch. So, why the fuck is this one such a stinker? I mean, c’mon, some of these guys have been on some seriously tremendous recordings in the past, so what went fucken wrong de luxe here?
Well, the most important aspect: The music. Duh.
The music is FUBAR, people. Absolutely and completely FUBAR. And coming from a bunch of talented horsecocks like these guys, that’s definitely an achievement, not to say a gigantic surprise. This is some fantastically juvenile jump da fuck up bullshit that’s having me throw up, over and over again. I have more fun picking out yesterday’s meal out of my vomits off my monitor than listening to this genuine bastard of a recording. At their least worse times they remind me of the crappiest material Prong ever recorded, and at their worst moments they sound like something constructed out of the ABC of today’s “How To Create “Metal” In 2007, Just For The Sake Of Selling Albums To 13 Year Old’s, And Fail Miserably While Doing It”.
Wow.
You can hear some of the influences that guitarist (and I guess – the clownshoe responsible for all the music) Patrick Mameli thought was a brilliant idea to incorporate into the once fantastic Pestilence back in the day. The very same ingredients that completely ruined fucken Pestilence. Fuck you for that, Patrick Broccoli. Yes, you are now a vegetable. On the subject of this (obviously) talented (but useless) guitarist, this is what he had to say about the new project of his:
“Recently I started my new project C-187. I will not discuss the style because words are not enough to describe it. Let your ears and brain be the judge. Certainly you will hear Holdsworth in there somewhere (‘coz he is the man!!!) but also some heavy guitar riffing and (gangstametal) fusion hiphop beats, making this style fresh and new.”
I just had to bring that up since it pretty much explains the downright suckiness of what’s achieved on this embarrassing piece of turd. Let’s see that again:
“I will not discuss the style because words are not enough to describe it.”
Let’s see it again coz I’m not sure I read that right:
“I will not discuss the style because words are not enough to describe it.”
Yep, I read that right… Unfortunately. Oh my fucken stapled-to-the-wall cock, that’s one seriously confused guy right there. This stuff is so weak it makes a naked Mena Suvari look like Arnold Schwarzenpenis winning Mr. Olympia. “Gangstametal” (as Broccoli so nicely and accurately put it) mixed up with the fake heaviness of todays bands, throw in show-off passages that makes no sense at all and mix it up with weak-as-fuck songwriting. Groove? Haha… To quote Pinhead: Not quite. There you go, I just described C-187 for you. And it took about 5 seconds to do so. I guess that was longer than it took to compose this album. Hooray!
I had pretty high expectations for this one before I heard a single note, based solely on the people involved, of course. Never did I think that a bunch of so talented musicians would end up together, recording an album that at its best reminds me of something terrible. Nice work, guys. Really. The musicianship is, of course, top notch, but it doesn’t help for shit when the actual style is so weak, so lame and so generic I rather go out on a date with an unkissed Albanian pigfucker, no pants on.
I feel bad for the guys who actually agreed to join Patrick in this mess. Simply becoz they are all musicians I respect(ed). I was always a huge fan of Tony Choy, one of the finest bassists around. Reinert’s been one of my fave drummers ever since “Human” by Death. And Tony number 2, a terrific guy that I run into every now and always have a laugh with. A very talented vocalist who’s not exactly keeping it a secret that he’s pretty much doing anything to get some recognition in the music business. This album shows that all too well. What the fuck were you guys thinking?
Hopefully with time, these people will understand what a shitfest this album is, and we will never hear from C-187 ever again.
- Information
- Released: 2007
- Label: I’ll spare them the embarrassment.
- Website: Luckily not. If they launch one, stay far, far away from it.
- Band
- Tony Jelencovich: vocals
- Patrick Mameli: guitars
- Tony Choy: bass
- Sean Reinert: drums
- Tracklist
- 01. Actually, there are 14 tracks, and all of them are complete stinkers. If this review doesn’t convince you, I’m sure the titles will. “Crusin’ for a bruisin’”? “Murda”? “P.C.P (murda in ma head)”? Guys, get the fuck out of here. And take your donkeys with you.
