### Landmine Marathon: Sovereign descent

#### 13/04/10 || Lord K Philipson

I read about this guys (and gal) in the Swedish metal magazine Close Up. The coverage had a huge ass picture of this chick and she didn’t look like a total failure. That’s how you draw interest to your band. If you have absolutely nothing going for ya music-wise, at least make sure you got a cute cunt doing vocals (even if she absolutely blows at it) and use her for the fucken photos and interviews in the press.

You actually get some Bolt Thrower vibes from their music at times with the difference that Bolt Thrower is a fucken amazing band. Landmine Marathon suck Incrediablo Le Mucho in all areas, and I mean ALL areas, no Bolt Thrower inspired riff can prevent that. They play sloppy as shit at times (the drummer is a fucken disgrace, to put it mildly), leaving the impression they just had their 4th rehearsal. Ever. It’s actually kinda embarrassing. According to themselves they sound like “an eighteen passenger CHEVY van peeling out on your mom’s face”. According to the truth they sound like like this.

Why the fuck anyone would sign this shit (literally) for is beyond me. Do not believe the hype (I know, there is no hype – but it’s a great expression) when it comes to Landmine Marathon. They have, as mentioned, some poor attempts at Bolt Thrower riffs, a cute girl who can’t sing/growl or scream and a fucken pretentious/shitty moniker (which still is the best thing they have going for them… scary) and an overall aura of shittiness surrounding them. Lots of shit now, people…

Last off, Dan Seagrave (once responsible for incredible artwork, nowadays he’s a fucken huge, uninspired yawn compared to his old self) obviously created the cover for this album and the band’s bassist had the following to say about it:

“The artwork Dan Seagrave created is nothing short of amazing, and, in our biased opinion, some of his best work to date.”

This band is clearly delusional.

Forget you ever read this review and forget you ever heard about… Lan… Mara… Mond… Landslide Wankaton… London Leatherpubes… Mongoloid Triathlon… Awesome, can’t even remember their name anymore – that’s how impressive they are.

- Information
- Released: 2010
- Label: Prosthetic Records
- Website: Landmine Marathon MySpace
- Band
- Grace: vocals
- Dylan: guitars
- Ryan: guitars
- Matt: bass
- Mike: drums

- Tracklist
- 01. Exist
- 02. Shadows Fed to Tyrants
- 03. Foul Revolt
- 04. Cruel Policy
- 05. Justify the Suffering
- 06. Steadfast Hate
- 07. Chained by the Same Fate
- 08. Flood the Earth
- 09. Rise with the Tide