### Darzamat: Oniriad

#### 01/08/04 || Lord K Philipson

This album’s been spinning tons of times at my place while partying, due to one reason and one reason only. Seldom have I laughed so much at a serious attempt to create music. These fucken morons are no Mensa-members, to bring it up smoothly. It’s absolutely fantastic how some fuckers from some piss-country can come up with something so infernally pathetic and even get a deal for a record with it. I don’t know how many albums these complete fucknuts released, but I hope it’s there last. The record-industry scares me, sometimes more, sometimes less. This time I´m scared as fuck.

The chick who’s doing vocals here must be undressed, beaten up, shot, set on fire and strapped onto Autobahn on a sunny day. “Wonderful vocals” the adds for this album says. Right, and I look like fucken Eliza Dushku naked. This is just the beginning girls, we have a manly vocalist as well. Aren´t we fuck-lucky? And if the chick is bad (not to mention ugly as a fucken troll in her “sexy” pic in the booklet), it’s nothing compared to what this complete fucken moron is. Let’s see what we have here then… 2 complete cockmunchers who destroys everything with their goddamnrightawfulpissbad-performance. You thought that was bad? It’s not over yet girl, it’s not over yet… By now you understand their voices are the suck, yet you haven’t heard their way or pronouncing the English words. And I hope you never have to.

Look here, if you are from some fucken third-world country (this time Poland, I knew everything from Poland couldn’t be good) and don’t know how to sing in English, then my suggestion is that you don’t, retards. From where I come from, hell, “bleeding” is pronounced with that e-thing. Like “bleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeding”. Right? Fuck you? Darzamat thinks differently. From where they come from it’s pronounced “bledddddddddding”.

Thank you and goodnight, you fucken freaks.

You have to experience it to understand this bullshit. Are we done yet? Hell no. If you write a line that says “Speak to me and forgive me, one night I met a tree”, you have to die. A horrible death. “I met a tree”? I met a fucken cocksucking tree?!?!?!? What happened then? I´m so curious. Did the tree do the jig? Did it go fishing? Did it write all of the riffs Darzamat uses? Oh my fucken god, someone kill these fuckers.

Darzamat is my fave piss-band as for now. Sad thing is that some of the parts isn’t the worst I ever heard, some of it is almost decent to be this kind of goth-shit. But just almost. Darzamat are complete idiots. Idiots who never should have had the chance to record an album. They avoid the complete piss-score coz they make me laugh so hard.

2/10

- Information
- Released: 2003
- Label: Avantgarde Music
- Website: www.darzamat.art.pl
- Band
- Katarzyna Banaszak: female voice
- Rafal “Flauros” Góral: male voice
- Szymon Struzek: midi programming, bass
- Krzysztof Michalak: guitars
- Pawel Chudzicki: drums

- Tracklist
- 01. Into The Abyss Of Forgotten Woods
- 02. The Longest Journey
- 03. Nameless
- 04. Beauty
- 05. Time
- 06. Moon Has Imprisoned Me In Her Shrine
- 07. When The Dreams Died
- 08. Elegy
- 09. Soporific