### Lunatic Gods: Sitting by the fire

#### 03/02/09 || Daemonomania

Hmmm, how can I begin? What possible experience would be a parallel to how I felt while listening to Lunatic Gods?

I’ve got it. Let’s say someone is taking a dump in your mouth. Not a sexy Germanic woman, either. A fat, greasy mechanic. After his morning cup of weak, cheap coffee. And last night, he enjoyed an all-you-can-eat seafood buffet, and wasn’t too careful when removing shells from the crustaceans. In other words, not something you want to take snapshots of and mail to extended family during the holidays.

BROAD, SWEEPING GENERALIZATION ALERT:

Music like this is quickly making me lose faith in Eastern Europe. If it weren’t for Poland, the metal landscape out there would be dominated by all sorts of shitty keyboard-filled progressive black/death bands that can’t write memorable material to save their lives. Hell, without Poland people might actually think the clusterfuck that is “Sitting by the fire” is a good album in comparison to their peers.

Well, it isn’t. These guys take the words progressive and atmospheric to mean:

A) Cram totally unnecessary synthesized instruments into every song. Seriously, I wouldn’t be surprised to hear a synth-harmonica solo ala “What’s love got to do with it” in one of these shitsterpieces.

B) Have a mélange of vocal styles, including by not limited to oddly stifled growling, some kind of a muppet roar, singing like the dude from System of a Down, and whispering (we all know whispering is the most spooky and original thing ever).

C) Having lyrics that are supposed to sound metaphysical or something. Or not. I dunno. What would you make out of…

hey man you needn’t cry your face can give a smile smile… don’t wait for your darkest hour cause happiness is coming to you

Is this death metal? Or a self-help book for kindergarteners?

If you haven’t picked up the fact that “Shitting by the fire” is completely and utterly horrific in every sense, maybe there’s an opening for you over at Lunatic Gods. Maybe you could orchestrate a synth-horn intro to a meandering, headache-inducing pile of faeces and call it “Return of deads thoughts.” Maybe then you could eat a jar of spoiled mayonnaise and roll around on the floor in pain.

Ladies and gents, this was not an easy one to review. Even if the tunes are bland or unmemorable, I can still sit and listen to most metal without really paying attention. SBTF, on the other hand, fucking begs you to rip your headphones off and point at your music playing device while screaming bloody murder.

Not much else to say, really. You can see they’re putting some effort in to be unique, but there’s something to be said for following some basic rules and regulations in metal. Namely, don’t make your tunes the audio equivalent to smearing banana-flavoured ice cream on your anus and walking into the gorilla cage.

1 point for being a death metal band, no other points out of 10 for succeeding at it.

- Information
- Released: 1998
- Label: Metal Age
- Website: www.lunaticgods.sk
- Band
- Mortis: vocals
- Emil: vocals
- Hirax: guitars
- Richard: bass
- Psycho: drums
- King: keyboards

- Tracklist
- 01. Dead but Free
- 02. I’ll Never Betray
- 03. Smile
- 04. Return of Deads Thoughts
- 05. The World is Full of Lies
- 06. Ocean of Hatred
- 07. Echoes of Sadness
- 08. Sitting by the Fire
- 09. At the Treshold (yep, that’s right) of Life
- 10. Irreparable