Milli Vanilli: Girl you know it’s true

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## Reviews

### Milli Vanilli: Girl you know it’s true

#### 08/02/10 || Daemonomania

Metal has been accused of coaxing impressionable people into devil worship, drug abuse, and in a few select cases even suicide. That’s the link between “Girl you know it’s true” and heavy music, my friends. The controversy surrounding Milli Vanilli caused one of it’s two members to kill himself via drug overdose in 1998. And the goddamn horrendous catchiness of this audiofeces may cause me to end it all in 2010. Happy new year indeed.

Let me explain how this album came into my household. You see, my wife has terrible taste in music. Like Phil Collins terrible. I’m sure she’d argue that my tunes are shit too, but there’s a key difference. When I subject her to metal I’ll be nice and put on something like Amon Amarth or Swallow the Sun. When she controls the stereo, however, the level of punishment dished out cannot be fathomed by mere mortals. Pop music of the nastiest, most soulless type which has been uniquely engineered to stick in your head like your name was Phineas Gage.

Music of this variety can be likened to facehuggers from the “Alien” films. It latches on to you, shoves some shit down your throat, and extends bony fingers around your head. Cut it off and the acid will burn right through your skin. It keeps you alive, but barely. Days later, mysteriously, the facehugger is gone. You think you’re ok. Then splurt – a tiny but lethal and fast-growing amalgamation of prefabricated hooks rips its way out of your body and goes about killing the rest of the crew. Minus the rest of the crew part.

Not even Ripley could save you from xenomorphs like the title track, the insidious Blame it on the rain, or the utterly merciless cheesebeast called from the depths of Tartarus and by our human tongue named “I’m gonna miss you”. Even weeks after having listened to the songs in question, the choruses to each come immediately to mind. WHY? Have I lip-synched in a past life? Make it STOP!

Discussing things like individual performances, production, or integrity on an album like this is clearly a waste of time. Notable items include the constant usage of the word girl in almost every song and its consistently bizarre mispronunciation (guuuuuurll). Or the hilarious discussion between said guurll and one of the anonymous vocalists which starts off this hellish hit parade. Or the absolute clusterfuck of a remix track at the end that sounds like “Pretty hate machine”-era Reznor and Public Enemy’s Terminator X being forced to create the worst possible piece of music they could think of at gunpoint. With the nude lower halves of their bodies immersed in a tank full of piranha. If this is what the NY subway system sounded like in 1989, I’m pretty damn grateful I wasn’t here.

For all of you single metalheads out there, you may think that the day will never come when you’ll ever have to listen to anything you don’t want to hear, go anywhere you don’t want to go, ever shop for anything besides beer, etc. If you are truly hideous and doomed to a dark existence filled with internet pornography and goregrind, or you can find the perfect woman (dude) who loves metal as much as you do and gives in to your every whim, then more power to ya. But for the rest of us, someday you’ll awaken and realize that a figurative “Girl you know it’s true” is staring you right in the face. Dreadlocks, bad dance moves, and synthesizers optional. The experience will be painful, but in the end worthwhile. The alternative – a lonely life with ears un-Milli’ed and un-Vanilli’ed.

By the way, the Wiki article about them is filled with fantastic details which won’t be rehashed here. Except this one. Someone really should have coached them on what to do if the music skips while you’re lip-syncing on stage – trying to dance for a few seconds then running the hell away is not going to help people believe you’re really in the band.

- Information
- Released: 1989
- Label: Arista
- Website: Fab’s Page Ov Awesome
- Band
- Fab Morvan and Rob Pilatus: looking good

- Tracklist
- 01. Girl You Know It’s True
- 02. Baby Don’t Forget My Number
- 03. More Than You’ll Ever Know
- 04. Blame It On The Rain
- 05. Take It As It Comes
- 06. It’s Your Thing
- 07. Dreams To Remember
- 08. All Or Nothing
- 09. I’m Gonna Miss You
- 10. Girl You Know It’s True” (N.Y. Subway Extended Mix)

Reviews

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