### Darkthrone: The cult is alive

#### 30/04/10 || Altmer

The bored review-macaque strikes again! Well, maybe not, because if you are listening to this album without liking it, you are either deaf or dumb. Or both. Most likely both. Anyhow, everybody knows Darkthrone, and what happened to them. First they were death metal. Then they released some of the grimmest things known to man. “Blaze” and all its friends. Then they won the lottery or some shit and got themselves a production. Not a good one mind you, but a production. And then they thought Motörhead was a good band, as well as some punk stuff. And woopsy, we get the Darkthrone of today. Black metal meets crust punk and NWOBHM. Before hearing this, I was always under the impression Darkthrone was gr1m, kvlt, tr00 and n3kro as fuck, which appealed to me only marginally, but this is some pretty cool shit. In fact, I dig this.

The upside of this stuff is it actually sounds like a band and not like someone banging on pots and pans while his brother turned on an amp and started to play his shitty $20 guitar like 10 diseased mongoloids on acid. Don’t get me wrong, this still doesn’t sound like U2, but it is now listenable. Darkthrone with listenable records, I know, that would appear to be an oxymoron, but apparently not. Apparently they have kept going down this road. This means I may like them now. I seriously need to play me some “Dark thrones and black fags” cos if it sounds remotely like this then I’m bound to dig it.

The downside is that all the fucken songs sound exactly the fucken same. If you’ve heard one, you’ve heard them all, minus a few good solos. Not that it matters cos all the songs are pretty high quality (this is a seasoned act we’re talking about after all, not fucking Trivium) but it gets tiring to listen to at some point. Then again, I don’t think I’ll ever get tired of blasting “GRAVEYAAAARD SLUUUUUUUUUUUUUUT” ever because it’s just too fucken fantastic not to. This is what I’d like to hear from Darkthrone again in the future. I can’t wait for their new record to be released. It’s probably going to rock.

Playing-wise this disc is all fine. The vocals are kind of in that range where you’re like “this ain’t fantastic, but it suits the music” thing which so many metal bands descend into. I can’t say I enjoy the vocals very much but they don’t piss me off. It’s like a black metal style vocal, but rawer, shoutier and less shrieky. I fucken dig the riffs, meaty, fast, speedy, dirty, raw, with the occasional solo like on “Forebyggende Krig”. Actually, that is probably the best song on here, with that amazing Sabbathian riff at the beginning. When I hear those riffs, the cunt in me is definitely alive. Fuck yeah, bitches. The drums are pretty simplistic but they suit the music. Keep a beat, lay a groove, and more riffs appear. Actually Darkthrone is really simple music done well. It is as lowest-common-denominator as you could probably get in black metal, but that’s probably the way they wanted it to sound. Also, I don’t hear any bass. Oh well. There probably isn’t any, is there? I think there is. Just not anywhere in my speakers. Fuggit, minor quibbles.

Overall, “The Vagina Is Not Dead” appeals a fuckload to me. It’s dirty and raw, it’s old school, and it’s well done. There’s no bullshit on this record. Even the lyrics and occasionally daft song titles don’t ruin the experience for me. I wasn’t a fan of this band before I heard this album thanks to them not being very listenable and extremely repetitive in their gr1m years, but even though they are still repetitive I can now actually dig them. I don’t think they are “sophisticated” enough for me to give them a really high score (I suck cock for melodic, good, productions, you know), but for what this is, they are the best in the business. More albums like this, please, Darkthrone? If you keep this up you may actually have a legacy that is more than “we recorded some shit in a forest once, and it sold with some people who bought makeup from party shops and scared their grandmothers”.

- Information
- Released: 2006
- Label: Peaceville records
- Website: www.darkthrone.no
- Band
- Nocturno Culto: vocals, guitar, bass,
- Fenriz: drums, vocals on “Graveyard Slut”, rhythm guitar on “Tyster Pa Gud”

- Tracklist
- 01. The Cult of Goliath
- 02. Too Old, Too Cold
- 03. Atomic Coming
- 04. Graveyard Slut
- 05. Underdogs and Overlords
- 06. Whisky Funeral
- 07. De Underjordiske
- 08. Tyster Pa Gud
- 09. Shut Up
- 10. Forebyggende Krig