### Holy Moses: Agony of death

#### 19/11/08 || HailandKill

The truth is, no matter how hard the Global Domination staff toil to make this the finest corner of the retardnet, not many people drop by and actually read the material here except for the, uh, staffers themselves and maybe a relative or two. It runs like a circle, y’know? The authors read their own work, compliment each other, and then bitch in the forums.

Such conditions make it safe to admit that HailandKill has a thing for 40 year-old women. That’s right, he’s into aged chicks-cougars. Otherwise known as gnarly kittens with menopause. Thereby explaining his secret Kylie Minogue obsession (her “Showgirl” DVD is his porn, kept inside a box hidden under a closet) and the strange eye contact he shared with his foxy Medieval Literature professor who already has adult kids. His shame extends to having the hots for both Michelle Pfeifer and Cindy McCain.

These nauseating revelations eventually boils down to an affinity for Holy Moses, who are fronted by the most rugged girl singer in Deutschland, the original, the unparalleled, she of the butt ugly vocal chords, Ms. Sabina Classen. Considering the band’s 30-year history, they must be pretty geriatric, so this classifies their frontwoman as HailandKill’s “type”. Ah, the wonders of romance. Marvel at her performance throughout “Agony of Death” as she munches each verse like Grendel devouring Danes in Hrothgar’s mead hall.

Schoolboy crushes aside, what makes “Agony of Death” special? How about an hour of aural punishment? This shit is so brutal, it makes your biscuit limp (that’s a sexual innuendo and pun all rolled into one). Even the Metalium guy’s soaring guest vocals on “Schizophrenia” couldn’t lend Holy Moses’ sound an epic dimension, merely proving how these Krauts are too meat n’ potatoes thrash for their own good. It makes one wonder, given how awesome their direct approach to thrash is, why they bothered to cameo Schmier from Destruction. Once the album is done rampaging inside your ears like an angry beehive, you’d think that maybe the Mr. Destruction didn’t really lay anything down except visit Holy Moses’ studio for a beer.

Are there any special songs? Out of the twelve on “Agony of Death” about half are standard fare buzz saw anthems while “Imagination”, “World In Darkness”, “Pseudohalluzination”, “Dissociative Disorder”, “Delusional Denial”, and the title track kick bunghole…It’s nice that Global Domination allows its writers to use childish phrases when they’ve run out of words.

A lot of people have been bitching lately about the length of this album, but after a gazillion spins across two weeks, its length is fine. Holy Moses are playing with the same energy of most younger bands today, and “Agony of Death” does have its surprises. Examples include the harmony on “Schizophrenia”, as if Mr. Metalium’s (that would be Henning Basse) presence merited a nod to old school metal; the nasty rhythm of “Pseudohalluzination” where their singer spits flames like a dragon in heat; and the 30-second ejaculation at the start of “World In Darkness”. Herr Guido “Atomic” Richter is no slouch either; the man goes about the business of drumming like a Panzer division encircling a doomed Russian army on the Eastern Front. Canning the bullshit, this simply means he’s an efficient worker behind the kit.

“Agony of Death” is a nice album best spun when you need a CD to accompany whatever it is you’re busy at. It keeps the listener in touch with the band’s brutal inclinations while attending to mundane tasks like changing a diaper or reading a Global Domination review. And that’s it.

8 scandalous daydreams involving Ms. Classen out of 10 premature ejaculations.

- Information
- Released: 2008
- Label: Wacken Records
- Website: www.holymoses.net
- Band
- Sabina Classen: vocals
- Michael Hankel: guitars/bass
- Oliver Jaath: guitars
- Guido Richter: drums

- Tracklist
- 01. Imagination
- 02. Alienation
- 03. World in Darkness
- 04. Bloodbound of the Damned
- 05. Pseudohalluzination
- 06. Angels In War
- 07. Schizophrenia
- 08. Dissociative Disorder
- 09. The Cave (Paramnesia)
- 10. Delusional Denial
- 11. The Retreat
- 12. Through Shattered Minds/Agony of Death