### Dagoba: Poseidon

#### 22/11/10 || sly

WARNING: I took on this review because these guys look like complete French douche bags, I knew the music would suck, and I have some pent-up anger I need to release.

This is exactly the type of metal I despise. If anyone ever asks me what kind of music I hate, I’ll give them this. If they ask what music I like, I’ll tell them to listen to this and then imagine the exact opposite.

It’s not really difficult to discern the degree of utter stupidity of this band. All you have to do is look at their MySpace. (Just don’t try it if your connection is any less than 40Gb/s, or you’ll be sent back to dial-up speed to load all the crap on this page). These guys look like they should be involved in some wigger rap project, not anything to do with metal.

Ok, so now that I’ve released a bit of rage, let’s play more fairly.

It’s not that they’re terrible musicians. Actually, they’re really not bad. But I find it a shame that they use their skill to make such stupid music. It’s not very original, it’s boring, it’s sellout; if you took all the worst aspects of Nightwish and had a French guy singing, it’s about there.

If France had a “le Chaud Topique” it is very likely that you would hear this album whilst buying your checkered mini skirt and hot pink fishnet stockings. And don’t forget the matching sweatbands to cover your horizontal cut marks. (It’s the wrong way, kiddo).

You know the kind I mean. Not really wretched. Just nothing. It’s your average Pierre François metal. Carrefour metal.

And then they had to go and make it a concept album about one of the coolest gods out there. Already a crappy concept album is ten times worse than a normal crappy album. But I think there’s a rule somewhere that if you are going to write a concept album about Poseidon it better fucking rule. And this one doesn’t. It sucks.

There is, however, one good quality, though in no way redeeming. The artwork is pretty cool. Apparently these guys think they are so fucking special that they actually got Cecil Kim (Lead concept artist for God of War III, and many other nearly impressive projects) to do the album artwork.

But this factor only makes the thing easier to look at; it does zilch for the music.

Nous vous remercions, Dagoba, for adding yet one more average shit metal album to the shelves. We really needed one more thing to steer clear of.

- Information
- Released: 2010
- Label: XIII Bis Records
- Website: Dagoba MySpace
- Band
- Shitter: vocals
- Izakrap: guitar
- Werthless: bass
- Frank: drums

- Tracklist
- 01. 43 17’n / 5 22’e
- 02. Dead Lion Reef
- 03. Columnae
- 04. The Devil’s Triangle
- 05. Degree Zero
- 06. The Horn Cape
- 07. Black Smokers (752 Fahrenheit)
- 08. Ha Long
- 09. Shen Long
- 10. I Sea Red
- 11. There’s Blood Offshore
- 12. Waves of Doom