### Kittie: In the black

#### 02/10/09 || Lord K Philipson

Lemme start this off by saying that tomorrow, October fucken 3rd, is my birthday. Again. I have had plenty throughout the years. Really. Don’t know what to get yer fave guy in the whole world? Here are a few ideas… You can donate money thru PayPal (theprojecthate@gmail.com) for beer or a new pair of military pants, or you can go to the UFC webstore and send me some of those shirts, size XXL. I want this. And this. And this. And this. And perhaps this. I could also do with this. I don’t know what I need it for but hey – it’s expensive as shit, so… Oh, and Mrs. K’s birthday is but a few days after mine, she could do with this one. Hell, I’m sure she would even like this. Make the size medium. I already got her these, so need to buy those. Fuck it, give her this too while yer at it. She sure needs something to cover her cute little head with during the winter, so that one will be ace. Same goes for me. This will do fine. Need more ideas? Well, I still need Anderson Silva and Andrei Arlovski from Round 5 for my collection. There’s also some new figurines coming early next year. On the top of my head, make sure to send me GSP or Liddell as a late b-day gift, ok? You don’t give a shit? Well, I’m sure the lovely, purring little fuckwats from Kittie care…

So, the Canadian whores are back. Some weeks ago I read this review over at Blabberpenis where Infernal Keith Bergman obviously thought Kittie did great on “In the black”. What are the fucken chances of that happening? I mean, they have played some weak-ass metal for years now – the only high-point of their music being that fugly bitch’s clean vocals that I really tend to like. Is “In the black” as great as Keith paints it out to be?

Hardly fucken so.

But it’s not completely shit either. It seems like Kittie’s finally managed to write some ok songs after all. At least here and there… “Sleepwalking” is a mellow tune with catchy vocal hooks, a tune that is quite possibly the best one on the album. “My plague” reeks of Slayer influences for starters when it comes to the opening riff, that is nice for a change since their Pokémon influences have been too evident for way too long. The cunt’s screaming vocals remind me not-so-little of a younger Angela Gossow (probably becoz there’s not really anyone else to compare them to, you know), and I guess that is ok. The song itself is pretty ABC of weak metal though. A song like “The truth”, with its church organs (hoho, I said “organs”) and Black Label Society-like lead riff isn’t much to write home about, and the fact that it drags on like that for some 6 and a half minute is just irritating. “Falling down” is another semi-slow tune (obviously this is the pace where they should keep themselves) and passes for decent with that Lander-whore’s clean voice making the tune better than what it actually is. “Whiskey love song” has got a nice Entombed-ish riff going for it initially. And so forth… With all this “praise”, wanna know what song to absolutely avoid if you are going to check Kittie out for the first time? Stay right the fuck away from “Ready, aim, riot”.

I could go on like this for the remainder of the tracklist but there’s not much of a point to it. It’s easy to dismiss these girls as an act that get publicity for no other reason than the fact that they are girls. You can’t really say it’s completely off the wall either coz they sure aren’t getting recognition becoz of their superior songwriting or playing skills. They are doing weak metal, probably appealing to 12 year old kids who still haven’t heard Slipknot. Oh, and Keith Bergman*. It’s really as simple as that.

The production is boring too. There’s hardly not enough punch in the guitar sound (maybe they were going for that shit sound that Slayer are the masters of) and there’s no thunder to be found in the drums. Bass? Yeah. Sure. Either way, “In the black” is definitely better than “Funeral for yesterday” that I covered some years back. But not much. And I believe ex-staffer Michael would actually enjoy this a little more than what he did when it comes to their “Until the end” album.

Seriously, I believe the male audience of the metal world would give more of a fuck if Kittie were less purrrrr and more puuuuuuuuuuuuuurrno. I’m a comedian. Fuck you.

Mjau.

* I like Keith Bergman, by the way. He’s funny. Mongoloid, yes, but funny.

- Information
- Released: 2009
- Label: E1 Music
- Website: www.kittierocks.com
- Band
- Morgan Lander: guitars, vocals
- Tara Mcleod: guitars
- Ivy Vujic: bass
- Mercedes Lander: drums

- Tracklist
- 01. Kingdom Come
- 02. My Plague
- 03. Cut Throat
- 04. Die My Darling
- 05. Sorrow I Know
- 06. Forgive and Forget
- 07. Now or Never
- 08. Falling Down
- 09. Sleepwalking
- 10. Whiskey Love Song
- 11. Ready Aim Riot
- 12. The Truth