### Fecal Corpse - Ed Rankin

#### 28/03/06 || Global Domination

This review was written by ex-staffer/cocksmoker Goiter.

Introduction by Lord K Philipson: Goiter seems to be completely on crack and forgot to write an introduction to this interview so I’ll do it. I have no idea who this band is. I never heard their name, I never heard their music and I wouldn’t even know where the fuck they are from. But if they are interviewed here at GD, they have to be somewhat cool. Now let’s see what ex-staffer Goiter managed to get out of them.

Global Domination: Thanks for taking the time to hang out with Global Domination and I must note that this is my first interview ever. This is the part where you praise me for giving you this honor, so have at it.

Ed: Hey man, no problem, hailz on it being your first interview, I guess your penis must be erect to interview such douchebags like us. Word! ( Note by Goiter: I like to watch myself tumesce in the mirror. )

Now that we got that out of the way, tell us what is currently happening on the Fecal Corpse front. Anything worth buying or downloading? How about a brief history of the band while we are at it? Gossip, slander and blasphemy is welcome too.

We’ve actually got a lot of stuff going on, our full-length is released and we’ve got two splits coming out in the next month or so; one being with Arizona scumbags E.T.T.S and the other with our bros in New York br00tality, Debellation. We’re also writing some new stuff, playing shows and having fun with poo, while trying to have sex with hot lesbians with one eye and stuff like that. As far as buying, yeah, pick up our full length which is availble from us and through Redrum Records, the two splits will be out within the next month or so through us and Malicious Intent Records. Downloading? DC++ and stuff like that, Limewire, I’m sure you can find our shit, our drummer whores us out on those downloading servers so it’s cool. As far as a brief history, I formed the band in 2001, we went through lineup-changes and now here we are. Everything else is too much to type and I’m hungover as fuck.

I’ve spoken with your drummer, Steve, on DC++ and over AIM probably a year ago, and he was like twelve years old then, how old is he now? Have any of you exposed yourselves in his presence? That is against the law and morally reprehensible I might add. I’m only asking because he looks so young and tender.

Haha, yeah, Steve is the bitch of the band. I’ve known him for a few years and he actually was a big fan of ours before joining the band. He was like 15 or so when I first met him at a show of ours and we just kept in touch via AIM and shit. It was about a year ago when he was like 16, we had a falling out with the previous members and I decided to re-vamp the lineup and he offered to play drums, so that was kind of cool for him. We’ve never exposed ourselves, but we used to talk shit about him not having gone through puberty, so we used to throw things at his junk and my ex-girlfriend has hit his testicles a couple of times. Oh well.

Speaking of exposing yourselves, your bass player is a man of girth and is often photographed sans shirt on your website. Why is this so and does it have anything to do with Canadia or the war in Iraq? A protest of sorts?

Joe is just fat and is constantly sweating, which is why he doesn’t wear a shirt, he’s so fucking obese that he can just stand there and sweat. So whenever we play or just hang out, he’s sans shirt, it’s kind of scary but some chicks find it sexy. I personally don’t, plus he always have plumber crack, which is nasty. I don’t think he really cares about Canadians except for when we played with Neuraxis (those dudes are rad as fuck!). The war in Iraq is another story which I won’t get into, but I think Fecal Corpse could be the next “Wild Stallyns” and we could end all war. ( Note by Goiter: “Wild Stallyns” is a Bill and Ted reference for those of you not in the know. )

Fecal Corpse have shared the stage with many death and grind acts like Dying Fetus, Circle of Dead Children, Mortician, Skinless and Misery Index, to name but a few. Of all the bands you’ve ever played with, who were the coolest motherfuckers and who were total cunts? It’s okay to talk shit, it’s good publicity and a great way to make friends! Again, gossip, slander, and blasphemy is welcome.

We’ve actually been really lucky to play with REALLY fucking rad bands, nobody has really been dicks, we normally just end up getting stoned and drunk with them before and after our sets. One of my personal favorites would have been Circle of Dead Children, Joe and those boys get two horned hailz in my book. First time we played with Skinless too was pretty rad. I ended up seeing them about 2/3 weeks later at a club and they gave Fecal Corpse a nice shoutout, which definitely got my bowels going. As far as total cunts, I don’t think we’ve really encountered anyone like that, which is cool, cause I’d go off on them and probably kick them in the anus.

Do you make any money off of Fecal Corpse? Or do you have a day job at your local Jiffy Lube or to make ends meet or possibly turning tricks for AIDS money? What’s the most loot you’ve seen so far and what did you blow it on? I would have bought that bundle of G.I. Joe Snake Eyes figures for 20 bux on E-bay. That’s probably close to what you guys have earned, right?

We don’t make enough money to live off of, but we do always have a constant supply of hookers, weed and booze. Steve, our drummer, works at McDonalds (would you like fries with that), I do customer service for an E-bay company and sell stuff on E-bay myself, but whatever money we put into the band we always make back so it’s not too bad. We always do well with shirts and stuff like that, so it’s cool. Most of the time we end up playing for booze, we don’t really care for the money-thing unless we’re doing some sort of traveling to out of state shows or something at which point we just get gas and more money for hookers and drugs.

Of all the shows you have ever played, what was the most and least amount of people in attendance? Be honest here, if you lie, your pecker will fall off. Also, what was the most memorable and the worst as well?

Well in the early days, we used to play for like 10 people, sometimes less, now we could play for 200+. We always have a pretty steady draw locally and sometimes out of state as well. We haven’t done much touring but the shows we did were definitely fun. One time we were doing a half ass show in PA where we played for 2 members of the opening band, the promoter, the bar tender and I think 3 hicks who were just at the bar, that was rad. Most memorable performance, shit, I don’t even know, like I said earlier, we’ve had a lot of luck playing with some sweet bands. The worst show was probably the first show we did with the new lineup in March of 2005. We did so bad that during the middle of our last song, our guitarist, Chains, put his guitar down and walked outside. It was a point in the song, where we stopped and then started again, so I start singing with no music behind me. I looked pretty dumb, but he picked up his guitar, played the song and everyone loved it, it was kind of cool in the long run. Fuck you, Chains!

While we are on the subject, have you ever seen eel porn? If not, what is the weirdest porn you have ever seen?

I have actually seen eel porn, there was a club in NJ called “Connections” that used to have a lot of black/death metal shows, and they always had porn on the tv. I’ve seen Traci Lords, Jenna Jameson, Jill Kelly, eel porn, scat videos (I love you Veronica Moser), all types of odd stuff. The oddest porn I’ve seen was “Edward Penishands” and I don’t want to discuss this, but go watch the movie and watch the “raining cum” scene.

You guys are aware that Fecal Corpse is a shitty name, right? That was a pun, congratulate me on my cleverness.

Damn, you are one smoothe pimp of buttfucking, fudgepacking love. Funny story though about that, we used to play a club called “L’amour” all the time, so Kevin, the bouncer, couldn’t remember our name for anything, so one night we’re set to open for Dying Fetus and he’s like “Ed, what is your bands name again? Dead Shit?”. Haha, true story.

Who would win in a cage match: Fecal Corpse or Feculant Cadaver? The laws of metal physics dictate that the similarity in band names means that you must be mortal enemies, why is this so and does it have anything to do with Canada?

We’d win in a fight, we’re all tough dudes, plus our bassist is like a sumo-wrestler. Dan is all fucked up on drugs, like, all the time and I’m always boozed up, we don’t know pain! Canada is for blame of everything, FUCK CANADA! Except for Neuraxis and some other bands I like.

There are clear Peabo Bryson influences in Fecal Corpse’s sound, who else helped shape the band into what it is today? Any primary influences that you would care to name so that you sound cool?

Peabo Bryson is my hero. We’re heavily influenced by Rick James, Journey (Steve Perry ONLY), Jenna Haze and other people along those lines. I think my personal biggest influence is my ass and Broken Hope.

What do you think about female growlers in death metal or metal in general for that matter? Is it really necessary? Shouldn’t they be in the kitchen making a sammich for the man? My mother would be so ashamed of me if she read that. Please say hello to my mom and be nice, she’s a good lady. Seriously, say hi to my mom.

Hi MOM! ( Note by Goiter: She says “Hi, Ed.” ) Chicks in metal… It’s tough, if the chick can do the growls without cupping the mic with both hands, more power to her. I don’t really care for chicks in metal, I can do with or without them, but if they’re hot and have a good voice, I’d like to penetrate their personal hole (aka their poon). Waco Jesus put it best “every woman is fucking useless, except for their cunt, asshole and mouth.” One chick I do however send some massive hailz to is Dana from Demonic Christ, that chick is br00tal as fuck!

Mandatory Global Domination question: Are you a fan of the NHL and who is the only person worthy of bearing the number 21? (If you say Leif Edling, you are correct.)

I don’t really watch hockey too much. My girlfriend is a big fan of the Islanders, so I’ll watch those games. I just dig the chicks who take care of the ice during the game, some of those bitches are sexy and need a good fecalization. I’m the only fucking person who should wear the number 21. Fuck everyone else, oh yeah and maybe Mark from Sexcrement.

Who is tickling your fancy as of late, I’m talking about bands, not your fancy cock. We at Global Domination enjoy all things cock. We also listen to emo and “St. Anger” religiously.

I worship Broken Hope, religiously. New Malignancy is gonna be sick. I’ve been more into a lot of viking/folk metal as of recent, Ensiferum’s latest should be good as well. Korpklania (I do believe I spelled their name incorrectly but those dudes can jam). They play drinking/folk/viking music about beer and getting drunk, seriously. Noctuary’s new effort should be good as well. I’m really just jamming to Journey as well and REO Speedwagon. Not really. Bowels Out are fucking pretty intense as well, I just recieved their latest from CDN Records. Crotchduster should release a new cd.

Have you ordered your copy of God Among Insects new album “Zombienomicon”, released April 17th from Threeman Records? It’s the only album you need this year according to us, and when we say it, it’s truth.

I have not, but if you say it’s tits, I’ll look into it, or just send me a copy fag. I don’t like buying stuff. ( Note by Goiter: You could at least offer me a reach-around first. ) ( Note by The Lord: I’m fucken proud of you Goiter, First the NHL-question and now this. Great work. )

If you could describe Fecal Corpse with one sentence, and one sentence only, what would that sentence say? Be sure to include the words: fetus, AIDS, feces, Peter Forsberg, and Hossenfeffer.

Pure shithead, douchebag, cracked out herpes-infested, brootality?

Time for some gear talk, tell us about the gear used by the band… Any cheap-ass guitars like a Bronze Series Warlock or even a Gibson or two?

Chains uses an Ibanez, Dan uses an Explorer, Joe uses some bass with no name on it, Steve is working on getting his new “HB” drumset as he just got endorsed by them. I use a Shure wireless microphone. That’s pretty much it.

Why should anyone give a fuck about Fecal Corpse? Tell us what it is about Fecal Corpse that you feel is worthy of a listen. This is where you get to sell yourself and freely praise your own band in an unabashed ( Note by The Lord: I’m not sure if I should change that word or not so I’m letting it fucken slide coz it looks funny ) and arrogant manner if need be. Be sure to include AIDS and Peter Forsberg in there somewhere.

Nobody should, haha. We’re not spectacular, we just bring the brootal. If you like a clusterfuck of grind and brutal death metal, you’d like us. What’s your deal with Peter Forsberg? ( Note by Goiter: He’s the bass player for Candlemass, dude. )

How many females have you banged in the ass and how many were actually willing participants and members of the same species? Anybody famous or ugly for that matter. Names, photos and addresses can be provided if you so choose and sent to Lord K Philipson at this address: BurlySwedeHeart@Dayglodildos.net

I’ve banged 3 in the ass, all were willing. The first one wasn’t too happy about it, but I got her drunk and just pushed it in, the other 2 were all about it and the girl I’m dating now loves it very much, so it’s groovy! Then there was that dead girl, but she doesn’t count, she didn’t complain. Then there was the chick in Nevada, which me and Dan skulled and inserted a large phallic stone into her ass, but that wasn’t our cocks so does that count? I’ll definitely send some photos too!

Rate the following New York based bands from 1 to 10 with a one being “teh suck” and a ten being “teh absolute tits”...

Anthrax: 3 – I’m not a big fan of theirs.

Skinless: 10!

*The Project Hate MCMXCIX featuring Mike Poggione of Monstrosity (laughing):* – Never really listened to, but when I heard some samples on MySpace I’d say like 3/4? ( Note by Goiter: Is that a fraction… or 3 out of 4? )

Immolation: 8.

Suffocation: I’m probably one of the few people who doesn’t really love Suffocation. I dig’em for what they did for the “scene” but I’d give’em a 7.

The Ramones: I don’t like them at all. -1000

You guys are (or were) on Will Rahmer’s label (Redrum Records) if I am not mistaken. Spill the beans about how this came to be and is this guy half of the douche-bag he seems to be as of late, ya know beating up a cabby, stealing his ride and shit…

We are on Rahmer’s label for the release of our full-length cd. I’ve known Will for years out here in NY cause of the music scene. I used to see Mortician like every weekend at Castle Heights (RIP), and he saw us play, I think with Exhumed, and offered to cut us a one cd-deal. We took it. I’m not going to dicuss the incident which happened in Poland with him and the cabby, I don’t talk shit about friends, and if he wants people to know what happened, he’ll tell them. All I will say is “don’t believe everything you read online”.

Have we talked about porn yet? You guys are all relatively young, were your families supportive of doing this “band thing?” Did they tell you to grow up and fuck off? Have you ever seen your sister naked?

My parents totally dig the stuff we do. They wear our shirts and support me pretty fully. I’ve been in bands since I was about 12, so they’ve always supported me in one way or another. We practice in Chains’ basement, so his mom is cool with it. Everyone else’s parents don’t really give a shit one way or another. Steve is the youngest being 17, we’re all in our 20’s except for Steve, so the “parental condolences” don’t really matter.

Well, this wraps it up right here, I appreciate you taking the time to do this interview with me. Would you like to thank me again? How about free merch? The last words are yours man. Feel free to cover any bases that I may have missed and plug any of your shit, hail!

Haha, free merch? You got it, bitch. Thanks for the interview, thanks for the support, yadda yadda yadda. Check our websites, buy our shirt, give us drinks and blowjobs (this applies to females only) unless you’re a dude, then you can suck Steve off. He’s gay like that. Not really. HORNS!

Thank you Ed. I’m pleased you put some effort into this despite being hung-over and sporting what looks to be a mullet. Many good things to you guys! Hail Luficer!_