### Hammers Of Misfortune - John Cobbett

#### 08/02/08 || Global Domination

This interview was done by ex-staffer/cocksmoker Banesupper.

About a decade ago I contacted John Cobbett of Hammers Of Misfortune, Ludicra, and formerly Slough Feg, about doing an interview. He agreed to do one. Now, ten years later, he finally got back to me. Hooray! Considering the stupidity of my questions though, it’s really not that much of a wonder. I weren’t even quite sure whether to turn this one in at all, as it’s mostly quite pointless. But, hey, pointlessness is what I’m all about!

Global Domination: A toast to you, John, for doing this interview. Good man Philipson whips us bloody trying to have us do more of these, and even went as far as to lock an ex-staffer in his toilet, and refused to let him out until he had a full interview to deliver. We still whisper about that incident in the corners, but we’re all afraid, so very afraid.

John Cobbett: What an evil fate!

Of injustices, this world has plenty, but one of the premier must be the fact that a great many of GD’s readers might not know who you are, where you are from, and what you do. Care to enlighten them?

To find out more about us go to www.google.com and type in “hammers of misfortune” (in quotes). We are from San Francisco/Oakland CA and we do what we like, in a heavy way, when we can.

Fantastic! I didn’t know either. Now, I hope you have a high level of tolerance for inane questions, because you’re in for a load of ‘em. You’re in a band called Hammers of Misfortune. Or possibly more correct, you ARE a band called Hammers of Misfortune. Now, I’ve been meaning to ask you this, but haven’t been interviewing you before, so I haven’t really had the chance: “Hammers of Misfortune”? What is a hammer of misfortune, and if they’re plural, how come I’ve never heard of one?

It’s just a fancy way of saying “bad luck” or “evil fate”. Judging from your opening statement (about being locked in a toilet etc) I surmise that you’re acquainted with this phenomenon.

Inane question #1 out of the way. Now it’s time for some ass-kissing. Your newest album “The Locust Years” is pretty damn good. Congratulations on that.

Thanks!! We’re working on the next one right now. I just got home from practice and I can tell you it doesn’t get any easier.

Before you did “The Locust Years” you did two other albums, which are also pretty damn good. Though they’re all pretty damn good, they’re also pretty damn different from one another. Most bands change their formula in order to perfect it, but for Hammers the change seems to be a constant. Possibly the change IS the formula?

As I said earlier, we do what we like. We don’t have to worry about being a big “career” band or fitting into any sort of marketing category. We don’t change on purpose, it’s just what we feel like doing at the time.

I don’t even know if my question made sense, or if it was a question at all. “The Locust Years” introduced the Hammond organ to the Hammers sound. Can’t say I’d seen that one coming, though that wicked child of Laurens Hammond’s does command respect. Can we expect it stay an integral part of the Hammers instrumentation?

Yes, that question made sense. The mighty Hammond Organ is something I’ve wanted as part of our sound for a long time. On The Locust Years we were just learning how to use it (and move it: it weighs a ton!) Expect more and better use of the Hammond and acoustic piano in the future. No digital keyboards or synthesizers!

I’m fighting a growing urge to call you “Hummers” instead of “Hammers”. I think I better go for “Misfortune” before it grows uncontrollable. “Hummer” in Danish means “Lobster”. Fascinating, isn’t it?

It is! Around here a Hummer is one of those super military vehicles, sometimes referred to as a “humvee”. I prefer lobster.

I agree. Just recently I was served, not lobster, but enokitake mushrooms. Those things taste good, but look absolutely horrid, like some primitive deep-sea life form. That’s just bad thinking. If I were god, things that taste good would look awesome, like Conan the Barbarian or something. It’s the same with music. Albums that rock should have suitably rocking covers. This is far from always the case. It is with Misfortune though. “The Locust Years” has one of most awesome covers I’ve ever seen. There’s an eagle, and horses, and cobwebs and shit. Awesome. How important is artwork to you?

Artwork is very important to us. I’m glad you like the cover, we got the artist to do it especially for our album. All our art is 100% original and hand-drawn. I also like to eat raw oysters off the half shell, which look like a rock filled with snot.

I was almost forgetting there was supposed to be a question at the end there, sorry. I wanna talk about lyrics now, because I know you prioritise ‘em high. Do you consider “The Locust Years” a political album?

I consider all our albums to be political in one way or another. Everything is political.

A story about dragons and wood-demons is political? Okay. “The August Engine” and “The Locust Years” have certain things in common thematically, though “The August Engine” strike me as being more, how should I say… stoned? “The Bastard” on the other hand, is of a completely different school. Do you fancy a future return to the story-telling form of “The Bastard”?

The Bastard was an early attempt at writing an album thematically. It was very linear and not open to much interpretation. I like the “stoned” approach better, where the album can mean different things depending on what you’re tripping on.

I don’t see returning to a linear storytelling format. Plenty of other bands are doing that these days.

Misfortune seem to recently have had quite the line-up shake-up. Mike Scalzi quit, and I heard some rumours that it was on a bad note. Jamie Myers too, hadn’t she just joined? And then Chewy, but I would like that he was thrown out, because then I could make a joke about him acting like a boomerang when he came back. Get it?

Chewy took a break. Jamie went back home to Texas to raise a family. Mike simply didn’t have enough time to continue in both bands (which is exactly why I couldn’t play in Slough Feg anymore). Everyone likes to talk shit about how Mike left on a bad note. That’s fine, go ahead. It is however, not true, if that matters at all.

About Mike Scalzi, what d’you think of “Hardworlder”? D’you think they managed alright without you?

Definitely! Angelo is a great guitarist and compliments them perfectly. It’s always been Mike’s band and in the end it comes down to him. He could easily track all the guitars for a Slough Feg album by himself without any help, he’s done it before. “Hardworlder” is great and I’m especially grateful to Mike for turning me on to Horslips.

Got you there, Horslips are fucking awesome. Anyway, now for the inevitable cliché question: What do you see in the future of Misfortune?

Like I said we’re writing a new LP. It’s going to be 2 albums actually, a double vinyl, and a double CD. The vinyl will be released by 20 Buck Spin, and the CD by Profound Lore. Hopefully all this will be out by late summer or fall ’08. The sessions begin in March.

Sounds awesome. Now for inane question number… 632 or something, I haven’t kept count: When are you playing Denmark? You will be paid in fine, fine pastry!

When the new album is finished we’ll play some gigs. Can’t say where or how many, but I can say that we’re very eager to play in Europe. I wonder what kind of response we’d get. I’d love to play in (or even visit) Denmark, but since we have no backing it will be difficult. Hopefully someday…

We do make fine pastry in Dänemark. We also make fine cartoons/vilest blasphemy, depending on which side of the proverbial fence you’re on. With the kind of themes you explore on your albums, and also due to my nationality, I find it interesting to hear what you think of that whole sorry affair?

Religious fanatics should be mocked, regardless of whatever bogus faith they are willing to kill and die for. What do they expect? We must keep in mind fundamentalists of every faith are unbalanced crazy people. If you tip their sacred cow they’re going to get all bent out of shape. The whole affair was sorry indeed. I applaud anti-religious cartoons of all kinds. At the same time you have to understand that you’re not going to get a logical response from a bunch of lunatics. People died in the demonstrations responding to those cartoons, right? Dying over cartoons. Idiots.

Yeah… Lego is awesome though, don’t you agree?

I found the controls on Lego’s “Bionicle” game to be so bad that I couldn’t even play through the first level. I prefer the realtime interlocking blocks.

Good. As I’m writing this I have Tom Waits’s “Earth Died Screaming” in my ears. The apocalyptical theme actually reminds me of “The Locust Years”. Fascinating. Now moving on to some of your other bands. Ludicra did “Fex Urbis Lex Orbis” last year. That’s a different cup of tea altogether, one with much less honey in it. How much of an influence d’you have on Ludicra’s sound?

A lot. I write a healthy share of the music and produce the albums. However I don’t write a single word of the lyrics and don’t influence the cover art. Ludicra is much more of a live band than Hammers. We play a lot of gigs up and down the west coast of the USA. It’s a deliberately primitive, cathartic group. Ludicra is a dark trip but we have a lot of good times!

Ludicra are pretty darn “grim”. While some Norwegian trolls might crawl out of their caves just long enough to let me know how wrong I am (and stab me), being “grim” is nothing more than maintaining a façade. It’s the inherent pretension of the music business that comes with any genre, and any kind of artist. Question is, is this simply the way it is, or could a band truly just “be themselves”? What do you think?

I don’t understand the concept of “just being yourselves”. Who else are you going to be? This is why these types are so sensitive: they are inherently false (trying to be something they are not).

Ludicra is far more grim than any Norwegian trolls because we actually have to deal with real crime and real poverty where we live, which is much more immediate and brutal than any teenage satanic posturing. I challenge any of these satanic trolls to come to my town and try to hold a job and a place to live without any assistance from the state or your parents. I repeat: without any assistance from the state or your parents. Good luck with your satanic reveries here in the real world, kids.

Bad-ass. No matter, I feel more inane questions coming your way. If you could be alone with a shotgun and any one person, who would it be?

Anyone but Dick Cheney. Or maybe nobody but Dick Cheyney.

If you were alone with a shotgun and one of your best friends, who would you shoot?

The shit.

You make odd friends. If you were along with Condoleezza Rice, how long till you had a nervous breakdown?

Apparently she’s an accomplished classical pianist. I would make her play the Russian composers until she had a nervous breakdown.

If you were… ah, fuck this. Next question. Music anno 2007. Are we doing alright, or are we criminal offenders against all things with ears? What are some releases this year that you dig?

West coast metal: Wolves In The Throne Room, Middian, Asunder, Saros, Sleepytime Gorilla Museum, Impaled, High On Fire, Amber Asylum, Secret Cheifs 3, Leviathan. I like the new Mayhem. Mostly I’ve been listening to Horslips, Strawbs and Bob Dylan lately, and as always early Scorpions, early Van Halen and CORONER.

Completely random jump again, I heard you were in GWAR at one point? Is that true?

Yes I was in Gwar for 3 months — a long time ago. I never played any gigs with them. I am but a footnote in their storied career.

And a bit of pure curiosity: “The August Engine”. Is that “venerable; eminent; inspiring reverence or admiration” august or the month August? I’ve debated this, see.

It’s the first definition (not the month.) I appreciate the fact that you looked it up.

Then I was right. Yay. Right, we’re nearing the end here. Hey! I heard that sigh of relief! Nah, just kidding you, I can’t hear through the internet, because it’s not real, it’s just fairies and stuff. So, how much of a waste of time was this?

Since you took the time to type up the questions for us, we will respond. I hate interviews which are basically form letters. It seems you risked being locked in a toilet for this so I guess it’s all we can do to help spare you this evil fate.

Well then, I have no more scheduled for you. You’re released, and you may go. Though I’d like to thank you once again for answering these questions, your patience is noted. Now’s your chance to insult me.

Thank you for supporting Lobsters Of Misfortune.

No insults, huh? Cheap.