### Metallica: The black album

#### 10/01/08 || Daemonomania

Released: 1991

##### Introduction

At the very height of black metal’s second wave, hordes of corpsepainted youth looked in vain for a hero, a champion of the style that would inspire them to commit arson, murder, and adultery. It seemed as though their cries were heard in Hell itself, for from the depths came an album so evil, so frostbitten, so fucking KVLT, that all had to bow before it. This was Metallicva’s “black” album. The bandmembers have remained quite obscure following this release, but their names will echo down the ages for this triumph of musical blasphemy.

##### Songwriting

9. Few bands before or since could match the adherence to black metal’s roots with the need to expand the genre through experimentation. Metallicva do it all, from blasting right through the fiendish two minute opener “Enter (My Anus Outstreached for Cthulhu and the) Sandman” to the soothing, minimalistic synthwork of “Through the Grimmest Never,” their vision remains crystalline and they never falter.

##### Production

2. The production on this album, being self-released and recorded in the bandmembers’ basements by a mysterious figure credited only as Bvd Rvck, is awful. However, the lo-fi buzzing, howling, and clattering adds an atmosphere that is at the same time disturbing and hypnotic. To reiterate: there is no hint of glossy overproduction ANYWHERE.

##### Guitars

8. Known throughout the genre for his insane tremolo picking, as well as love of churchburning, Kirk Hellhammet is in his full demonic glory here. No solos, no melody, no groove – just sheer aggression. And though it is not audible due to the aforementioned recording techniques, there may be rhythm guitars and bass rendered inaudible by the “recorded two rooms away through a telephone calling long distance from another country” production. To reiterate: there is NO GROOVE. And just to be clear, there is no thrash anywhere on this disc. Really, there isn’t.

##### Vocals

8. Hetfveld, currently serving a life sentence for murdering a Polynesian ice cream vendor, screams his fucking guts out on this release. He moans, howls, and wails like a spirit possessed from the darkest bowels of Hades. His misanthropic diatribes could not possibly sound more hateful, and when the somber melodic sections kick in, his depressive chants cannot be beat. Again, for edification: there are no WEAK ROCK AND ROLL INSPIRED VOCALS OR BALLAD-STYLE CROONINGS to be found here.

##### Bass

1. Sadly, it cannot but heard – but that’s the norm for black metal. Grand Werwolf Nvewsted reportedly committed suicide in the middle of the recording sessions, but his absence for the last several tracks goes by unnoticed. I guess he was pissed that he wasn’t included in the mix. Not to beat a dead horse here, but there is NOTHING EVEN REMOTELY RESEMBLING GROOVE METAL WITH A PREDOMINANT LOW END.

##### Drums

4. Probably a drum machine, though the drumwork is credited to Tyrannical Cashgrabbor.

##### Lyrics

10. Every member of the black metal hordes keeps these lyrics close to their icy hearts, so there’s no need to go over them. From the Sumerian incantations in “Blacker Than Thou,” to the NS lycanthropic madness of “Ov Wvulf and Man”, to the all time black metal anthem of “Sad but Trve” (you knew that was coming) Metallicva’s insights into nature, hate, war, and devil worship would cause the pope himself to shit in a bucket for a month, microwave the rancid feces, then splatter it all over the floor and slide around in it. The thought that this might be lyrical content that could ever be featured on MTV or be consumed by the weak, untrve masses is RI-GOD-DAMN-DICULOUS.

##### Cover art

6. It’s black, with the hint of a snake in the darkness. Supposedly, Metallicva forced a power metal fan to jump into an icy fjord filled with unspeakable sea serpents in the depths of winter and snap this shot (it was an underwater camera, by the way). Then they took the camera from him and slowly impaled him on a sharpened inverted cross, leaving his blood to drip into the pure white snow while his cries echoed into the empty night. Holy SHIT, they are evil.

##### Logo

8. These guys are too fucking black metal to have a logo. The cover is black. Fuckin’ a. They would never sell out and make some sort of spiky, 80’s looking logo for the kiddies to wear on their shirts, just like Metallicva would never play live. To risk redundancy, there is NO immediately recognizable logo anywhere

##### Booklet

10. Completely decked out in corpsepaint and spikes, standing atop the brutalized remains of four goats and three nuns, Metallicva stand proud and give a big old FUCK YOU to god. The deeply archaic lyrics are printed within in human blood (supposedly all of it from Hellhammet, who willingly submitted to ritual bleedings). Sadly, very few people have ever seen this booklet as there were only 665 copies made, all of which were immediately thrown into a burning cathedral. I really don’t want to keep repeating myself, but this disc was NEVER mass produced and is NOT COMMERCIAL in any way, shape, or form.

##### Overall and ending rant

8. If you like black metal and you don’t own this, kill yourself immediately. Do not hesitate. Grab whatever is closest and end your miserable existence with it. Hell, even if you do own this go ahead and kill yourself, since that’s what your dark lords of Metallicva desire.