### Bird Of Ill Omen: Self, dare you still breathe?

#### 05/12/08 || Daemonomania

Hey everyone, raise your hands if you want to read a review about an old metalcore album!

What, no one?

Well, the masses have spoken. I guess I just won’t do the review. Don’t forget that your opinion matters. Your voice was heard. The internet is a great tool to spread the concepts of individualism and democracy worldwide.

Yeah right. The internet is a tool for morons and cranks to spread their uniformed opinions semi-anonymously. And as for democracy, well, as Stalin famously never said, “It’s not the people who vote that count, it’s the people who write reviews for Global Domination.”

So here it goes. Bird of Ill Omen was a short-lived Floridian band from the late 90’s. They called themselves The Bird from time to time as well, probably because they got tired of people quoting Edgar Allan Poe at their shows. They released only a demo and two albums. During the three years BOIO was active, Vader managed to put out seven releases including singles, live, and greatest hits albums. Damn. You just can’t compete with Vader. Especially if you’re a metalcore band.

But as far as their particular subgenre goes da Birds do a fine job on “Self, dare you still masturbate?” At a time when the style wasn’t even really named, and certainly not overpopulated, these boys distinguished themselves. Roughly, they mix hardcore influences with their metal in the same doses that Converge mastered, but while Converge went for more speed, Slayerisms, and wackiness BOIO usually hits a slower, sludgier vibe. The bass sound lends to the heaviness considerably.

Since there are only six songs, all of which are over five minutes, you either like Birdy’s style or you don’t. And you can probably tell I do. Things open right up with a good quote from Trainspotting, and “Sharpshooter” rumbles along dissing heroin addicts left right and center. Yep, if it wasn’t hard enough sticking needles between your toes, now you’ve got an obscure Floridian metalcore band insulting you. The singer’s voice is a vicious class in the Jeff Walker school of growling. A touch of emo comes to him in the night from time to time, but it sets him free after possessing his soul till his body’s on fire. Whew.

Up next is “Spoon” – a love song! Oooky! But excellent nonetheless. And if you’re at home all curled up next to a busty young metalheadess, the popcorn trick at the ready, this is just the right track to set the mood. Then you can put on “Mannequin” when you realize she has mutilated herself to conform to society’s notions of beauty. Last but not least you can put on “Paper stains” after the popcorn trick has failed, she has cracked you in the pie hole and walked out, and you’re gearing up for a warm bath with a sharp instrument.

Okay, at this point I’m realizing you’ve probably had enough. I’ll stop. The first two songs are great, the rest are durn tootin’, the cover is a spiffy picture of a dude who decided to go for the small-caliber headache reliever, and you’ll probably never listen to any of it. That won’t be my fault, though, because I did my best to recommend it to you. Yes, mine is the voice alone in this digital wilderness, a sole opinion in the midst of seasoned headbangers who have moved on to the harder stuff and left ‘core, the wine cooler of extreme metal, behind.

Looks like the internet does support individualism after all…my individual, sacred right to be a defunct metalcore band loving asshole.

7.5 sweet tastes of retardnet freedom fries out of 10.

- Information
- Released: 1997
- Label: Eulogy
- Website: Bird Of Ill Omen MySpace
- Band
- Shane Post: vocals
- Andrew Logan: guitars
- Tom Rankine: bass
- Nahuel Gauna: drums
- Peter Bartsocas: guitars, vocals

- Tracklist
- 01. Sharpshooter
- 02. Spoon
- 03. Pronoun
- 04. Mannequin
- 05. Now Ruin Is
- 06. Paper Stains