### 69 Chambers: War on the inside

#### 09/10/09 || The Duff

I’m really not a fan of female-fronted bands, least of all if it’s a metal band, as even the heaviest of such (correct me if I’m wrong), for example Arch Enemy, are still very streamlined and geared towards a commercial audience (metal being generally broad, most successful around the accessible spectrum, heavily-dominated by male listeners and nine out of every ten males excitable at the view of tits – that’s math with an “S” baby).

Also, the chances of me connecting with the lyrics are rare, much like my inability to understand comediennes (but then why do I need a woman to make me laugh with jokes when I already have my dick in her mouth, amirite guys?); I’d rather sing-a-long to eating out dead vaginas, not the torment a living vagina undergoes not being eaten out, hey-o. 69 Chambers are much like a Kittie (turns out all the members of 69 Chambers are women, but the drummer isn’t much of a looker), or a Guano Apes, maybe with a bit more flare to them, not so much the atrocity that is Mauser’s new band; kind of like if Down-lite, pop, nu-metal, punk and a can-full of average were blended.

I’m guessing that the album title is a spin on period pains, women being a unified front and all in their quest for independence, surprising then that the album cover appears to be an ad with the slogan “Anal sex: Knock yerself out; break it in my ass”. The music doesn’t quite reflect the angst of a righteous fight against male oppressors trading chocolates and diamonds for blowjobs (you fucking whores!), all in all being very bland, slickly produced and simply a means to deliver the all important catchy chorus.

I take back what I said about Down-lite; we’re nowhere close. Instead, we’re swamped with “distortion metal”, where the thick tones carry everything, electronics, simple doom-y sections and goth all sounding like a difficult affair to sit through despite the desire for variation. On the band’s MySpace, they mention “wall of sound” drums, which is a shame because my mind immediately associates such a term with Devin Townsend and if you’re going to go up against the guy and send me your albums to review, you have to deliver more than a picture conjuring thoughts of fucking your behind hard enough to spill a bathtub full of content from your ruptured lower intestines – I have a silver back gorilla’s penis and a thirst for angry sex (do some research – I did and this review turned out to be more honest than I was hoping FUUUUUUUU-). Oh yeah, the drums aren’t much good is the message I’m trying to get across.

The vocals are real good, though; the head of this Swiss three-piece can sing the highs and lows, some gutturals and has a natural, quite gravelly tone; a standard but fitting vibrato (‘C-cos she’s broken out the Sybian, FUCKING SCORE!!!), she does impress without a doubt with her predominantly middle range style. The choruses are ingraining, but unfortunately it shan’t be the music that gives this replay value but such two or three occasions within the song where you’re hit with infectious vocal melodies – the only riff that sticks is 3:30 or so minutes into “Return of the Repressed”, and it’s really not that great until the pretty killer singing with attitude in abundance kicks in.

In conclusion, for genuine metal fans this holds very little worth save for the album cover, and then you can find far more hardcore, arousing action by googling “japan puking girls”.

Believe it or not, this review is anti-sexist; the music is not (OH I’M SO FUCKEN DEEP MY PENIS IS INVERTED!).

- Information
- Released: 2009
- Label: Silverwolf
- Website: 69 Chambers MySpace
- Band
- Nina: vocals, guitars
- Maddy: bass, vocals
- Diego: drums

- Tracklist
- 01. Day of the Locust
- 02. Bloodaxe
- 03. Thinking About You
- 04. On the Inside
- 05. Ex Nihilo
- 06. Return of the Repressed
- 07. Judas Goat
- 08. Collapse of Time and Space
- 09. Wind Feeds Fire
- 10. Dead Letter Office
- 11. Final Memento
- 12. Automatic Automata
- 13. Ruse