### Limp Bizkit: Gold cobra

#### 05/08/11 || InquisitorGeneralis

I remember being in my teens and blasting “Faith” by Limp Bizkit as loud as possible on my bedroom stereo and thinking that it was heavy as fuck. Brutal core baby.

I’m not proud of it.

If I could get my hands on a time machine, I would go back and punch my own fucken lights out for that bullshit, give that tween version of me a copy of “Symbolic”, impart some knowledge on how to get laid (i.e. Rufie recipes) and fast-forward the process that turned me into the hateful metalhead I am today. Oh, and after that I would go back and kill Hitler, Lenin, Stalin, and Mussolini as infants with a flamethrower and save the world some trouble… and about 100,000,000 lives.

Maybe. If I had the time after all that shit with my younger self, that is.

Anyway, in response to the overwhelming cries of about sixteen people, Limp Bizkit are back with a new studio release that is sure to tear up the streets. Or collect dust in the few remaining record stores left in the universe. On “Gold Cobra”, an album title better than the band’s previous bomb “Chocolate Starfish and the Hot Dog Flavored Water”, but still stupid as fucking hell, it is clear Limp Dick are trying to be more rock than rap. They fail and still totally suck, but at least they are trying. Since these guys all probably qualify for the Special Olympics, trying for them is worth something. “Shotgun” is a slightly enjoyable song, that is about it. Everything else blends together into one shitty symphony of bad turn-table chick-a chick-a bullshit, lame guitar chords, awful lyrics, and Durst’s signature vocals that sound like a fourteen year-old talking shit to the kids in school that pick on him… by himself in front of his bedroom mirror.

Durst even tries to sing on “Get a life”. Don’t quit your day job, Fred. Oh wait. your day job is fronting a band as terrible as Limp Bozkit. Please, PLEASE QUIT YOUR DAY JOB YOU OBNOXIOUS DOUCHEBAG. People like Fred Durst are one of the main reasons most people hate white people. That and apartheid. Sadly, by trying to be a bit heavier Limp Bizkit only sound more like the Insane Clown Pussy. And we all know how big of a bag of dicks that group of fat, white retards sucks.

You would think that I would write a dis’ rap for this pile of shit, but thankfully one look at the lyrics from the masterpiece “Shark attack” showed me that Fred Anal Burst is able to write lines that reach a level of hilarity far beyond anything I could conjure up…

Homicide bad for your health what (Really, I thought it was recommended by most Doctor’s…) I’m goin straight for the gut (More like straight for the butt, if you know what I mean…) Closin them minds (But opening them mouths) Sewin them lips straight shut (But leaving them assholes wide open!) Go ahead put it on me (Oh I will, just let me whip it out real quick…) Show me what you got (Show you? How about I give you a taste test too?) Why you get robbed like a zombie (Rob Zombie will kill you when he reads this awful metaphor…) It’s a one man army (What, the crowd at your last concert? ZING!) Puff Puff give (Suck suck, spit) Watch em get smoked like a cig (Smoke more cigs, and get lung cancer, and die…please) You heard of Freedy Kruger? (Nope, never) I’m kinda like that (You molest children?) With a red cap and a Ruger (Ha ha, you’re bald!)

Durst devotes alot of his lyrics and effort on this record to fucking the haters. If I was as universally disliked as him, I would too. Sure, he’s made more money and fucked more bitches and the entire staff and forum roster of Global Domination combined. But, none of us have ever released or helped create a piece of shit as big as this. And that is saying something on a sight that is based on The Project Hate! …I kid, I kid. Don’t kill me Lord K, or delete all my reviews… again. (Note by The Lord: I am tempted to push that delete button over and over now…)

Anyway, “Gold Cobra” blows.

- Information
- Released: 2011
- Label: Interscope
- Website: www.limpbizkit.com
- Band
- Fred Durst: vocals
- Wes Borland: guitars
- DJ Lethal: turntables, keyboards
- John Otto: drums
- Sam Rivers: bass

- Tracklist
- 01. Introbra
- 02. Bring It Back
- 03. Gold Cobra
- 04. Shark Attack
- 05. Get a Life
- 06. Shotgun
- 07. Douche Bag
- 08. Walking Away
- 09.“Loser
- 10. Autotunage
- 11. 90.2.10
- 12. Why Try
- 13. Killer in You