### King Bong: How I learned to stop worrying and love the bong

#### 18/08/09 || GardensTale

Alright, put the paper in front of you. Take a tip – if you don’t have a tip booklet, any sturdy paper does fine, use a strip of roughly 1×3 cm – and roll it up. Roll it tightly between your hands so it curls up nicely and put the little tube at one end of the paper. Get some tobacco, spread it out evenly, a bit more towards the ‘open’ end of the paper. Grab your weed, and use an appropriate amount. A bit less if you use Haze, that stuff is pretty strong. Grind it, either with your fingers or a grinder (grinder preferred). Spread it equally evenly across the tobacco. Now, pick up the paper, curling it so everything stays in place, and roll it up. It’s tricky, and if it’s a first, it’ll look all bumpy and messy, but practice makes perfect. Lick the glue and shut it. Burn off any excess paper on the tip’s end and tap that side on the table so the tobacco packs up and shifts down; very important for sturdiness. Now light it, inhale deep, and press play.

If you haven’t noticed yet this album caters to the slice of the population that loves the bong, spliff, spacefood or just does ample amounts of stickies, you need to have your head surgically removed from your colon. The question we’re trying to answer here is; does it work as such?

I suppose that depends on you. I’ve heard of people who were crazy about technical death metal while getting stoned. If you like your music slow, pounding, and psychedelic while on weed, this is perfect material and the execution is little short of flawless. It’s entirely instrumental, mind you, so there’s no annoying singers to ruin the experience. “Wake and bake” sports a dreary, drowsy sound, with simple yet utterly addictive riffs. Musically, this would fit most snug in the stoner-doom category. Composition and songwriting are excellent, and it’s thoroughly enjoyable even when not bonging. The other two lengthy tracks are equally excellent, each sporting a bit more of a violent nature than the last. In between, there’s “Zomblues”, which sounds sort of like a spacy bluegrass song with moaning zombies in the back. Fitting and awesome.

A special mention goes to the bass. Holy fuck. This shit can implode your ears, I’m telling you. A wavering thunder of bass permeates the record, its slightly unstable sounding nature helping the psychedelic feel of the record emerge all that much more. It’s fucking awesome to listen to.

If you’re tripping, this album is kickass. If you would like to be, this album can make you feel like you are. If you don’t, it’s still sporting great songwriting, addictive riffs and a bass to kill your neighbors with. No matter how you feel concerning the Sacred Greens, this will remain an excellent stoner outing. Additionally, the band put the whole thing up for download from their MySpace, so kudos to that as well. In short: light one up, kick back and ride that bong into weed heaven, cause this is one sweet trip.

- Information
- Released: 2009
- Label: Self-released
- Website: King Bong MySpace
- Band
- Andrea: guitar, odd sounds, drones
- Alberto: bass, harmonica, annoying stuff
- Teo: drums, percussions, silly things that can be beaten with wooden sticks

- Tracklist
- 01. Wake and bake
- 02. One riff to rule them all
- 03. Zomblues
- 04. All the pretty horses