### Human Beansauce: Baculum

#### 10/05/14 || Cobal

Imagine you’re alone at you’re miserable crib with no shit to do. What do you do? You’ll probably turn on your PC, browse your fave free porn site, grab your tiny little dick and start to play, right? After a few seconds (…), everything’s fine in the world. You’re The Man and you could bang the shit out of any of those bitches on the screen. Now that’s exactly what this shit is about. Just change your shaming little sausage for a presumably gigantic six string bass guitar and you’re set.

Baphomet knows I’m a tolerant open-minded mutherfucker, but come ON! Even I’ve got a limit. This is the solo project of a bass player who pretends to play a whole album based on djent oriented (anti) grooves and instrumental jazzy passages. Yes, just the way he likes it… Hard, then slow. Then hard. Slow. Slow. Hard. Hard. Hard. Slow…

A mainly instrumental record – someone came up with the awesome idea of growling for two seconds or so, “Baculum” is one of the least fulfilled attempts I’ve ever been forced to listen to. While this dude apparently has some technical skills, absolutely nothing makes sense here. Wait, I take that back: there were like 8 notes towards the end of the final track that were actually relieving. And that’s just because they were obviously announcing the end of this nightmare.

Yo, no wonder nobody wants to hang out with you (!).

1/10: Keep your shit private you asshole.