### Catamenia: Eskhata

#### 22/06/03 || Lord K Philipson

Ok now ladies and gentlemen… This is a band that Statik (the webmaster for The Project Hate, Global Domination and so forth) is very much into. Believe me when I say he’s been trying to get me into these fuckers for quite some time by sending me their previous albums. It might not have been his smartest move ever. I’ve already heard two previous albums from these guys, and I didn’t like either of them.

I was lucky enough to receive their third effort.

Ok, lemme see here. Catamenia plays black metal most of the time when not fucking up things with a song like “Flames”. I don’t know if I miss the humor in this or if there just isn’t any there. The chorus is a fucken total rip-off of Billy Idol’s “Rebel Yell” or whatever the damn song is named (Billy Idol is not my thing). The chorus goes “Nanananananana… more, more, more” or something like that. I sincerely hope it’s done on purpose, but funny it isn’t. Piss fucken bad.

BAD AS A MUTHERFUCK EVEN.

They have some cool keyboard-parts here and there (mostly there) and a vocalist that tries to sound like Dani Filth. Note the word “tries”. Talking in Finnish during the intro’s and shit doesn’t exactly make me wanna sell my equipment and stop playing music.

No matter how much I wanna like this band as I know they are faves of Statik’s, friends don’t affect my reviews (maybe if there was money involved, but only then).

This is below standard black metal with a lot of melodies, not meaning GOOD melodies though. But I have heard worse, absolutely. At least this was produced so you can hear most of the instruments. But, as mentioned countless of times, not even a master-chef could make good soup with a bucket of poo in the ingredients. The poo this time being the actual band. Catamenia gives me absolutely nothing. Nothing but a headache.

Oh, I have to say that there is actually one riff that I like on this album, it’s in the chorus of “Vortex”. At least it doesn’t sound like Billy Idol. And by the way, there’s a bonus song (why the FUCK is it called a bonus song when it comes with every fucken CD pressed?) on this one too (like I really needed that). Statik told me I shouldn’t care about it as it’s a drunken version of some Finnish popband’s song.

Don’t even get me started on that one.

Rating? 2 out of 10 at most. For me giving out a 1 or a 10, the music would have to be really, really bad or something that changes my life. You’ll never see a 10 from me. This is just bad, so a 2 they get.

That means:

2 fuck off’s out of 10

- Information
- Released: 2002
- Label: Massacre Records
- Website: www.catamenia.net
- Band
- Mika Tönning: vocals
- Riku Hopeakoski: guitars, keyboards
- Ari Nissilä: guitars, clean vocals
- Timo Lehtinen: bass
- Janne Kusmin: drums

- Tracklist
- 01. Storm
- 02. Rain of Blood
- 03. Flames
- 04. Vortex
- 05. Coexistence Circle
- 06. Landscape
- 07. Karma
- 08. Astral Tears
- 09. Time in My Hands
- 10. Beyond the Starlight
- 11. Eskhata