### Snail: Blood

#### 04/09/09 || Kampfar

Fucking hell, 10 minutes ago I nearly broke my neck. How come? Well, Snail sent their shit our way and they don’t suck at all, so due to extreme surprise I catapulted through the roof and into an aeroplane courtesy of Air France. Poor bastards.

A shower and a soapwank later, and here I am, ready and willing to inform ‘ye all what the fuck non-sucky Snail is about.

Helmet copulating Nirvana whilst gargling a load of spunk once belonging to Queens Of The Stoneage, now that’s an OK way to describe Snail’s music. If you are a pervert. Exclusively. I’m not, close but no cigar, so I’ll elaborate on the matter – if only to once again prove my worth as a spewvier worth his penis.

We are talking stoner something here; stoner metal to some, stoner rock to others, me agreeing more with the former than the latter. Why? Well, mostly because the guitars are fat on par with, minus the awfulness, one of them McDonald’s whores you wouldn’t even bother to ejaculate in the eyes. If not pissdrunk of your ass, of course.

Blah, the guitars wouldn’t be much without the buzzy bass, the latter adding insanely much to the whole shebang. Fucking hell, it enhances the guitars whilst grooving beneath! This in a (metal) world where ze bass often finds itself buried! OK, time to fire up a crackpipe and calm down already. Or not! So, what Snail dishes up with is of a quite fucking slow nature, not syrup doom exactly, but if you are listening for blasts you should rather try Insect Warfare. Or Kill The Client. Or Napalm Death. Or why not take the trip so I can blast your fucking face in?

Yep, I’m related to Hulk himself, but what you need to know is that Snail owns a vocalist not pissing in the nest. True, he won’t flabbergast any with his brilliance, and he should have screamed a lot more, but all in all I think his dope-y style spiced with 4 spoons of arrogance fits the music very well.

This is a quality orchestra indeed, which translates to me possibly ending up thinking I should’ve handed out even more points on this here occasion. Anywayz, what holds me and my erection back is the fact that I think of it all as a bit too samey, a problem more spins could end up solving.

Try for yourself, cuntface!

- Information
- Released: 2009
- Label: Meteor City Records
- Website: Snail MySpace
- Band
- Mark Johnson: vocals, guitar
- Eric Clausen: guitar
- Matt Lynch: bass
- Marty Dodson: drums

- Tracklist
- 01. Mental models
- 02. Sleep
- 03. Underwater
- 04. Committed
- 05. Via/Penny dreadful
- 06. Relief
- 07. Blood
- 08. Cleanliness
- 09. Screen
- 10. Not for me
- 11. Blacklight