### Pantheon I - Tor Risdal Stavenes

#### 28/06/07 || Global Domination

This interview was conducted by ex-staffer/cocksmoker Doomsdayzach.

I’ve always wanted to act like a troll and creep through the Norwegian forests in the dead of winter. That’d rule. The only fear I think I would have is running into a smartass like Tor from Pantheon I. Not that I have a problem with a smartass. I just don’t like being out-smartassed. Looks like I have met my match here, but next time, Tor won’t be so lucky! God, I wish I could be his girlfriend for one evening.

I’m not going through a sex change operation for Tor. Sorry. I guess I’ll just keep on dreaming…

How’s things over in Norway? Is it grim and frostbitten?

Tor Risdal Stavenes: The sun no longer rises and we are frozen by icewinds!

I have a quick question about the Norwegian wildlife. What season is it that the trolls come out all hunched down and creep through the forests wearing corpsepaint and spikes? Are they native to Norway? I see a lot of them on various, low budget black metal covers.

This usually happens right after Christmas, as a counterweight to the ridiculous amount of Christianity in the air. Before Christianity, Trolls were happy drinking themselves silly and did not have to do photo shoots for low budget black metal bands!

Speaking of low budget black metal, you guys kick the asses of those shit, low budget bands. Why did you go for a good sounding record instead of trying to make your listener’s ears bleed?

Oh, I thought we did?! Must have been something in the water in the studio! It is also conceivable that we tried to make some money for once instead of keeping the grim-kvlt-nekro-tr00-flame alive, and avoiding those pesky lawsuits from listeners with ruptured eardrums. There is a slight possibility of us making music of such complexity and layers that covering it all up in treble and buzz seemed like a stupid idea.

I picked up “Atrocity divine” quite some time ago and have been a fan ever since. Yep, 5 kvlt points for me. Anyway, not everyone is going to love you as unconditionally as I will. Why the fuck should anyone give two shits about your band? I mean, the scene is already oversaturated with shitty bands. At least you guys rise above “shit band” status, but please inform the readers why you are worth their time. They’ve stopped listening to me.

Are you our girlfriend? If not we don’t care about your unconditional love. In fact we prefer that you enjoy the music and keep your emotional life to yourself, even though we are a handsome bunch. We think the music speaks for itself, though, so obviously it is a whole septic tank for people to give our band. If you feel we’re unclear on this subject, look up obfuscation in the dictionary.

Upon hearing this album, I’d have to say it is a much stronger and more memorable effort than “Atrocity divine”. However, a few of my friends say “Atrocity divine” is the stronger of the two albums. They’re full of shit, eh? I’m not saying “Atrocity divine” is a bad disc, but we all know the new disc slays. Exactly how much better than “Atrocity divine” is “The wanderer and his shadow”?

I don’t know your friends, but judging from their statements I can honestly say that they have no idea what they are talking about. In fact I recommend you get new and better friends. And do something about your clothes as well, we’re not in the 90’s anymore. If you multiply 666 with 1349, then divide this with the square root of the number written on the back of your tax refund ticket you will clearly see how much better “The Wanderer and His Shadow” is…

Thanks for using real string instruments instead of shitty samples. My ears appreciate it. How did the decision to use real strings as opposed to shit keyboards come about? Do you feel that you guys are superior to black metal bands that use orchestra samples? It’s obvious that you are, but seriously, how big is your ego because of this?

Thank you, I always hated those bands who had synth basses and guitars too. Once I found a cello in the woods and brought it home, and now it has a life in Pantheon I. My ego is about this big. Apart from that, we wanted an organic experience, kinda like herbal essences. We are of course superior, indeed we are bigger than Cheeses.

On the track “Coming to an end” you have clean vocals. Is that Lars from Borknagar/Age of Silence/plenty of other bands? Sorry, I am at work while typing these questions and don’t have the ability to look it up, and will be far too lazy to go back and do research later. I’m probably right though. What made you decide to use him, or whoever it turns out to be if it’s not him?

We met Lazare in choir practice in our local mosque. We thought he had a nice beard and the voice wasn’t too shabby either. So we kidnapped him and made him watch American Idol until he had sung for us. We thought it sounded nice, a lot better than American Idol at least.

The part that he sings actually sounds exactly like an Age of Silence song. Did you direct him to do this or did he take over the studio?

Really? But why? Do you accuse Lazare of plagiarizing himself? Interesting, I’ll be sure to tell his mother.

The album starts off with “Origin of sin” which is kind of a crap song to start an otherwise excellent disc with. What gives? I mean, it’s the one song on the album that really bothers me, and we all know that a touring band such as yourselves should give a shit about what some guy who lives on the west coast of the US says. But really, all I’m saying is don’t you think “Shedim” would have been a better opener? Hell, even “Chaos incarnate” would have kicked ass…

But of course. We wanted everyone to feel like we do when we wake up in the morning. And we hardly ever wake up feeling fresh and minty. In fact we quite often wake up in a dumpster reeking of grain alcohol and vomit. Quite dissimilar to “Origin of Sin”, but maybe my words will show you the light, my son.

As of the writing of these questions, the American release of the album is a little less than a month away, and I’m too poor at the moment to pay for an import. Is Candlelight going to give you as high quality packaging for “Wanderer” as you had on “Atrocity”? Are we looking at a nice digipak or a standard jewel case? If the European packaging is better, please let me know because I sure as hell don’t want the shitty version if something way more awesome exists.

We had actually planned to release the dogs, but we released an album instead, in good old-fashioned top notch quality plastic jewel case. The US and Europe are still on the same planet last time I checked, so you won’t get any surprises there. If you want a shitty version, you have to make a cd-r yourself and give it to a hobo for safekeeping for a month.

“Atrocity” had awesome cover art. “Wanderer” has even better cover art. Who does this stuff, and is this going to be the band’s “trademark”?

We asked Salvador Dali, but he was both dead and busy, or one of them at least. Lucky for us, Kjell Åge Meland threw some paintings at us while we were occupying his basement. They were nice and if we ever need more we will have to go back and take over his house. If we are really lucky he might throw some even better paintings at us.

Is the 7” demo available anywhere? And speaking of vinyl, will either “Atrocity” or “Wanderer” be released on vinyl?

I have heard that things might be found on the internet, which is on computers nowadays. In fact there is even a Pantheon I page which sells the 7” vinyl. Not bad for a bunch of 0`s and 1`s. The other albums are allergic to vinyl at the moment, we might find a cure in the future with appropriate funding.

Why not?

Of course.

It seems as though the only place to buy a sweet Pantheon I shirt is though some crazy-ass British site (again, at work, too lazy to follow up with the proper information later). Seriously, it’d damn near be cheaper to fly to Europe and see a live show and buy a shirt there rather than to buy one from a British site. How can I get something for cheaper than 50 bucks for a goddamn t shirt?

First you painstakingly copy the logo from the album or the Internet. Then put a blank t-shirt into your printer, preferably white (the printer, not the shirt) and voilá, you have an almost free Pantheon I shirt. And stop whining.

Seriously, paying the no-lube assrape import prices that nuclearblast.de charge for us Americans are cheaper than what the Brits charge.

We pay almost 10 dollars for a beer in this country, so your degree of suffering is insignificant compared to ours. Verily our sufferings are only comparable to the ones of Jebus.

They’re amazing designs and I only ask because I’m in dire need of Pantheon I gear. I suppose I can wait. Speaking of designs, Julianne’s electric cello is fucken awesome!

Patience is a virtue, coveting another woman’s gear is a sin.

On the Making of “Atrocity divine” video that came on that cd, it showed Julianne recording with an acoustic cello. Was this album recorded with the acoustic cello or the electric cello? How much do the sounds differ on the two instruments? Is there a loss of resonance and fullness with the electric cello when used live?

We lost track of time, actually we lost time itself in the studio, one day we were writing songs and the next day World War 3 was over, and we lost. Does a tree sound different from a plastic tree if it falls in the woods with no one around?

You have Julianne in the band. Why not use her more? Seriously, it seems like she should have a much larger part in the band. You can barely fucken hear her on the good majority of “Wanderer”. That sucks.

There has to be consent you know, you can’t go around using people if they don’t want to be used, or abused even. Over here the age of consent is 16 I think, except for in the northern parts of Norway, where it is effectively 12.

By my count, it looks like we’re about halfway done with these questions here. What do you think of this interview so far? Pretty ace, huh? It’s probably the best you’ve ever done, since Global Domination kicks ass. Feel free to comment honestly.

Global Domination is nice, probably even nicer when you are George Bush or Osama Bin Laden, I stick to petty mind control.

As much as I love a lot of the stuff that Candlelight releases, it seems like they’re sending me about 49 discs each month, though the actual number is significantly lower. Still, with so many albums being released by them or licensed by them, do you feel like Pantheon I is getting the proper attention they deserve?

I release a lot of things, occasionally some of them come back. This is the miracle of love. We love Candlelight, and moonlight and unconditional platonic love between a band and their label.

How much beer have you had at this point in the interview?

I had a big glass of lemonade. It was intoxicating on a different level.

Now I’m going to list a few black metal bands. Please say a few words about each and rate them from 1 to 10 (1 being on par with “St. Anger” and 10 being a thick steak and a good bottle of Finnish vodka)

- Emperor – new clothes or not, it is still a naked man, yes? 0
- 1349 – 1+3+4+9=*17*
- Immortal – no one lives forever. 0
- Dark Funeral – I prefer bright funerals. 0
- Living Colour – Darkness is good for your complexion. 0
- Satyricon – Fellini made some good films, this was not one of them. 0
- Furze – There is apparently a spider in the sink, fear the reaper. 0
- Pantheon I – Who are these handsome devils? 10
- Nachtmystium – Blake, where is your mustache? 0
- Wolves in the Throne Room – I prefer cats on my lap while I monologue. 0
- Blümchen – I like the flowers, I like the daffodils, but what about the Germans? 0

On the Making of “Atrocity divine” vid, it looked like you guys basically recorded in a spare apartment. I mean, I know a fucking tr00 Norwegian black metal album requires vocals to be recorded in a tent made of blankets, so it’s perfectly understandable. Did you actually get to record in a real studio this time? Did it have a tent made of blankets? What was the booze selection like?

My mother and I made a tree house when I was 6. I loved that tree house, then the winds and snow destroyed it, and my childhood along with it. Of course I grew cold and cynical and slightly loopy. But my boots are walking made for me, or was it the other way around? Anyways one day they might just walk right over you.

You guys don’t wear the clown make-up like a lot of black metal bands do with Pantheon I. Why don’t you go with the imagery? Was the corpsepaint not on sale at Wal-Mart the week you had to do the photo shoot or what? Do you feel that the lack of corpsepaint takes away from the mystery shrouding black metal?

Circuses have some nice clowns, and plenty of elephants, but I have heard that they are cruel to animals, circuses that is, not clowns. My dog is dead by the way, I did grieve for him.

You do realize that now people can see you are just regular guys who probably play “D&D” right? Have you ever played “D&D” with Frost?

Occasionally I feel a slight cramp in my left leg, not quite unlike the sensation you get when you reach level 79 in “World of Warcraft”.

If you had to pick between Dani Filth’s onstage dance moves and Abbath’s amazing poses and footwork, which would you wish to have?

When I was a young boy, my mommy told me “ – Son, always be a good boy, don’t ever play with atomic particle accelerators”. But I did, and now I am a bad boy.

So black metal folks like Satan right? Does Pantheon I consider themselves satanic or simply anti-christian? Do any of the band members attend church? Is going to church even allowed in Norway if you’re in a black metal band, or are they all afraid that you’ll burn their shit down?

Gandhi told me that all paths lead to God, but I told him he was dead, so I won the discussion. Grandma says that only bad girls burn in hell, so of course I want to go there. I like my women a bit on the trashy side, and of course they must be hot as hell down there. Remember to cover your rig.

You have probably noticed, I’m reaching for questions at this point. 30+ questions are a lot to come up with. Go ahead and say something interesting here (if you don’t, I’ll go ahead and make something up for you).

Once I died and went to hell, and then I had to eat cupcakes with Marilyn Monroe, only to discover that she was in fact Mother Teresa. No luck there. But apart from that I feel quite good now. I have taken my medication, thanks for asking.

Thank Christ we’re almost done. I assure you, this is as much of an ordeal for me as it most likely is for you. Anyway, I just listened to the end of “Shedim” and it seems to fade out a little quickly. What is the deal with that? Fucking great song, and it seems like you’re in a huge hurry to end it.

Some things keep on going, and going, and going, kinda like the energizer bunny. “Shedim” on the other hand did not use energizer batteries and ended prematurely. Almost like most of my orgasms. Unlike those, there might be some more “Shedim” later, maybe hidden somewhere.

Do you feel that bands like Dimmu Borgir should be proud of their achievements in getting huge legions of fans, or is that not black metal enough? Speaking of Dimmu, have you heard the new album? Is it any good? I’m looking for a recommendation. On that note, what are some good albums you think I (and everyone else) should be checking out? Probably “Nidingr”, huh?

Unless you have heard Arve Oppsals’ fantastic album of songs he sung on stage in the 40`s, you might ask someone else. Engelbert Humperdinck is dead yes? I like Iceland.

I want to sincerely thank you for taking the time to stick this interview out. I really fucken appreciate it. Now feel free to make a plug for your album or your favorite pornography website. Perhaps both?

I don’t mix music and pleasure you know, unlike everyone else. But the walls are closing in on me now and the rabbit says we must get to the tea party in time. Mushrooms don’t make you big or small, or was that the cakes? enterbelladonna.com is not for those who enjoy mandrake root.

Thank you so much once again!

In a moment of clarity I see that you might not want to thank me for this. In fact I think you will request an interview with anyone but me next time. My father did tell me that you get the answers your questions deserve. Enjoy!