### Darkthrone: F.O.A.D.

#### 05/12/07 || theProphet

Today, it came to my knowledge that I am infected with aids, Ebola, the bubonic plaque, bird flu, leprosy and mad cow disease. My entire family was violated and executed in front of my very eyes, and all my friends started to murder and cannibalize each other. It turned out I didn’t get a single passing grade in school, and a gypsy who told me my fortune in a crystal ball said that hell is, in fact, very real, and I’m going there to be tormented for all eternity.

However, the fact that I’ve had a bad day will not affect my judging of this album, so here it is, unbiased and sincere:

This album is shit, folks.

I shall admit that I never really been into Darkthrone, as I’m not really a fan of lo-fi black metal. But know this; if there’s anything worse than lo-fi black metal, it’s lo-fi black metal combined with the lowest form of humor ever created. Seriously, “Canadian Metal”? Game over, Darkthrone, game fucking over.

This album sounds like the first rehearsal of a bad version of Motörhead, with some very poor black metal vocals thrown into the mix. Really, there’s nothing “spontaneously charming” or whatever in this, maybe it would have been if this where a band made of kids. But these are grown men, dammit!

It’s funny (not funny ha-ha, but funny peculiar, mind you…) that this travesty is called “Fuck Off And Die”, because that’s what I thought Darkthrone should have done long ago when I first heard this.

This is a strong contender for worst album of the year, I never want to hear this shit again. If you want humorous black metal, take some Swedish classes and listen to Sportlov instead.

Why, oh why, don’t we have a rating system that enables minus scores here on GD?

1 “Fuck Off And Die” out of 10.

Oh, and the cover’s one of the worst that I’ve seen too.

- Information
- Released: 2007
- Label: Peaceville
- Website: www.darkthrone.no
- Band
- Fenriz: vocals, drums
- Nocturno Culto: vocals, guitars, bass

- Tracklist
- 01. These Shores are Damned
- 02. Canadian Metal
- 03. The Church of Real Metal
- 04. The Banners of Old
- 05. F.O.A.D.
- 06. Splitkein Fever
- 07. Raised On Rock
- 08. Pervertor of the 7 Gates
- 09. Wisdom of the Dead